Page 89 of Prince of Ruin

I knew I had to get back before it was too late.

A week later, after spending every day scouring the ten acres of our land for a portal and trashing Mom’s office, I took my own trip to Louisville, Kentucky. I drove up to meet with a professor of fae mythology, mainly to talk about portals and how to find them. He told me about ring rocks and how you could see things from the fae world that mortals couldn’t see if you look through them. He even gave me one of my own. But when I returned home and scoured our forest again, there was no sign of any fae creatures or portals near our home.

I took a drive that night. I was so angry and scared that maybe I was going crazy. Maybe Dad passed his illusions on to me. Driving eighty down a curvy country road wasn’t the best idea. Music wasblasting, and when Olivia Rodrigo’s songGet Him Backcame on, I was hit anew with memories, to the point that I nearly flew off the road.

I remember Tarsus’ pissed face every time they looked at me. The hatred burning in their cold, silver eyes, like they couldn’t drive their sword through me fast enough. I almost miss their brooding face. I remember how they madeloveto me. Our fucking might have started out with control and hatred. But in the end, it was gentle and sweet. Tarsus loved me in those moments. But they hated me in others. Tarsus wanted to get me back. But they also wanted to get back at me for the horrible things I’d done to them in my fae form.

Tarsus wanted me all along, but they also wanted to make me pay.

Cracking open another fireball, I recline on the leather couch in Mom’s office, and down the small bottle in several hard gulps.

Two weeks. Two weeks have passed since I left the fae realms and exhausted myself trying to get back. As of the past several days, liquor has been the only thing helping me get through the day, much to Dad’s chagrin. He tried to be firm at first, but when I threatened to leave, because I’m a fucking adult for God’s sake, he eased off, just checking in with me every now and then, and watching several episodes ofLostwith me in the evenings, as if he knew that wasthe only tether keeping me from completely losing myself to insanity. I know he’s just waiting for Mom—Mandi to return from theirconference, so they could ease me off the proverbial cliff. If only they would return.

But Dad is going to soon learn that Mandi is gone forever.

My watering gaze snags on the unfinished tapestry lying on Mandi’s desk, the only thing I didn’t touch. Small bones form a spiral on the black fabric, traveling from the outside to the center. Mandi told me it represented the inner journey, the journey to discoveringself. The problem is, so many parts of myself are missing. How the hell am I ever supposed to find them without my memories?

My eyes track the spiral, slowly following the trail from the edge, journeying in, in, in. And as I follow the spiral, my third fireball already giving me a good buzz, I realize something.

I’ll never be complete without my full self. I’d always felt something missing within me, but I thought everyone felt that way. Now I realize, there’s a whole past I’m missing, and no matter how far I run from that past, how much I want to resist this cruel, angry fae who lurks deep within my bones, my fae self and my human self have to be reconciled together in order for me to become whole again.

I have to face my past with the knowledge that the Prince of Ruin isn’tallthat I am. I was him, but I’m also Clav, a certified booknerd with ADHD who lives in the human realms.

If I ever want to move forward, Ihaveto face my past.I have to acceptallof me.

There’s only one way to do that, and I’m fucking terrified.

My hands are clammy as I pick up Mom’s bodhrán. I use the tipper to beat the drum, creating a beat that steals me away from the depressing quiet that’s haunted me these past two weeks. Spirit journeying isn’t only for escaping to alternate realities or for meeting with the gods. It’s also a way to get to know your inner self. And I think it’s time that Sovereign Clavicle and I had a proper introduction.

Closing my eyes, I reach deep within myself, searching my mind for that being who is quick to anger, who pulls red over my eyes when someone pisses me off. That cruel fae with a tragic past, whose hands are covered in the blood of all the humans he sacrificed.

I call through the echoes of my mind, walking down dark halls that I never dared set foot in, walking down, down, down the spiral stairwell that leads to the darkest pit of my mind. The walls are bare here, the floor cold black marble under my feet. I approach the large pale door made of bone at the end of thestairwell. With trembling fingers, I unlock it. The hinges creak and groan as I pull the heavy door open.

In the chambers of my mind, beyond the beating drum and the empty marble halls, I hear footsteps, proud and clear, like hunting boots on polished marble floors. In my mind’s eye, I see a shadow stretching across the black marble floors, with a tall, slender form and large antlers reaching toward the ceiling.

Cool wisps tickle my lobes when I hear him say, “It’s about damn time you let me out, human.” And then icy fingers—my own icy fingers—close around my throat as the drum slips from my fingers, crashing onto the floor.

Tarsus

The sound of chanting pulls me out of a deep sleep. The side of my head is pounding, and a sharp pain cuts into my wrists. I look down to find shackles cutting into my skin. And when I look up, I realize I’m in the bat cavern.

I’d traveled here shortly after Aden was taken, knowing they wouldn’t perform the sacrifices until the full moon, when all the sources of energy would be aligned. But, of course, I’m only one fae, and the bats are many. I could have prepped an army, but the truth is, it didn’t seem fair to make the armies fight when winning this war would unleash the fury of Mother Terra and kill them all.

I’m not really sure why I showed up alone, except that maybe I was hoping there was a way to reason with Abaddon, or Mother Terra, or…something. Maybe I just wanted to be with Aden in his final days.

Abaddon allowed me that, at least.

We spent the next seven days in each other’s arms. Abaddon treated us kindly, despite the copper collar he forged around my throat to keep me from using my magic. But he did feed us hearty meals, giving us a comfortable room, even if guards surrounded every foot of it to keep us from running. He told us several times he wished there was another way. But he has to look out for his colony, and I guess I can understand that, though I’ll never forgive him.

But when it was time to take Aden, I fought against them with everything I had in me, and that’s when one of the bats struck me against the head and knocked me out.

Maybe it would have been better if I’d stayed knocked out.

Because from my place on a divot in the cavern wall, I can see all the bats’ reveling at a glance. They’re chanting like they used to do at the human sacrifices of old, climbing over each other across the ceiling and the cavern ground.So many bat-folk in one place, it’s unnerving.

Standing at the ledge of the pit that leads to a river of lava, is Aden. Naked. His hands bound before him. I don’t know why they stripped him down, except that’s how we’d always performed the human sacrifices, and I guess they’re not taking any chances in changing the tradition, even if it means letting Aden keep a little bit of his dignity before he dies. Abaddonstands behind him, a wall of power blocking Aden’s only way of escape.

“Abaddon!” I shout, my voice raw with emotion as panic claws at my throat, but my voice is drowned in the loud chanting of the colony. Tears are streaming down my face, and I scream Abaddon’s name again, followed by Aden’s. Abaddon is reciting some old script they used to use for the sacrifices, though I can’t hear the words through the noise or my thrashing heartbeat. Then Abaddon stretches out his wing and presses the curved part of his talon to the middle of Aden’s back, forcing him to stumble closer to the river of lava and I. Fucking. Can’t.

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