Morgan says, “I’m worried about Rhett. And I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m worried about you too.”
“Got that good dick from Dusty, and now you’re in touch with your feelings?”
“This isn’t a game, East.”
I sigh. “I know.”
We both look out at my yard, watching the dogs.
“He likes her…follows Pretty Girl everywhere,” Morgan says.
Just like I used to do with Ella. “Yep.”
“You’re a good man, East.”
“Shut up.”
“I’m being serious.”
I don’t reply. A lot of the time it’s simply easier not to.
“You seen Archer lately?”
I groan.
“Okay, never mind, then. I have something else to ask you, though…and you don’t have to say yes. I want to make sure you understand that. I won’t be mad. This is totally up to you.”
My gut cramps, nerves ticking down my spine. “Just ask.”
“Can I name the bar Gracie’s? You don’t have to reply today. And again, no pressure, but… Maybe it seems silly since it’s a bar, but I want to honor her.”
My chest tightens. It’s hard to breathe. He wants to name the bar after Ella, wants to use her middle name, and he’s asking me. “She’s your sister too. You shouldn’t have to ask me.”
“I want to. She’s my sister, but she’s your twin.”
I can’t speak for a moment, feels like I lost the ability. My eyes sting. Morgan doesn’t have to do this, doesn’t have to useher name or ask me, but he is, and it’s so damn hard when people are nice to me. Sometimes it makes me want to lash out just to get them to stop, but I fight back the urge this time.
Because El would love the thought of something named after her.
I love the thought of it too.
He’s gonna name the bar after you, El. It’s gonna be Gracie’s.
I like that.
I know.
“Yeah,” I reply.
“You sure?”
“I think that’s a good name, Morgan, and…”Thank you. I’m sorry. I love you.“I’d like that. El would too.”
“Jesus. Thank you. I…can I hug you?”
Logically, I know this shouldn’t be a big deal. And it’s not in a lot of ways. I want to be close to him, want to be close to someone, want not to feel so damned alone all the time. I just don’t know how to accept it. To feel like I deserve it.
I nod, and Morgan steps closer, goes slowly like he’s giving me the chance to change my mind. His arms wrap around me. He smells like my brother, like home, the way family is supposed to smell, which sounds weird even as I think it.