Page 65 of Covington Acres

“I don’t know, man. But I’m not the only one who’s noticed it. Mom and Roe have too. I was talking to Kristen about it.” Roe and their mom had been talking about him? Dennis and his wife? “And we were thinking that maybe it’s the wedding? I’ve heard about people getting upset around others getting hitched, thinking about your own life and not being happy.”

He gritted his teeth, chest tight. “So because I’m not married, I can’t be happy?”

“That’s not what I was saying, but you can’t want to be alone. No one really wants that, and I get it. We’re all getting older. Everyone is settled in their life. Kristen has this new friend from Chelsea. Her name is Sally. The two of you have a lot in common. You’re both around the same age, neither of you has been married. Sally has a big family, grew up on a farm and—”

Years of pent-up emotions shot to the surface, too powerful for him to control. “Stop! Just fucking stop!” Colby said louder than he meant to. He looked around the room, and everyone was quiet, everyone looking at them and wondering what was going on. The weight of their stares was another burden on Colby’s shoulders.

He knew he should shut up. That he should smile and pretend everything was okay or turn around and walk out to cool down, but he couldn’t. Not now. Not when he just wanted to be happy. Just wanted to live his life. Just wanted to have Vince andlet them find the happiness that suited them best without any expectations.

What came out of his mouth was, “I don’t know if I want to work the farm.”

Dennis’s face scrunched up, and he was looking at Colby like he was some kind of disease that needed to be cured.

“Colby?” his mom said, his name a soft question.

He looked at her, at the pain and confusion on her face. Then at his dad, the wrinkles around his eyes and the sadness curling his lips down. And fuck, he hated letting them down, hated how he felt, but he was so fucking tired of feeling that way too.

Colby pushed off from the wall, ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I love the farm. I do, but…but it doesn’t make me happy the way it does you.” He looked at Dennis and then his parents.

“Babe,” Vince said, stepping closer.

He wanted to beg Vince to call him baby, knew he was trying to prevent the volcano from erupting, but maybe it was time it did. Colby would be miserable if it didn’t.

“I can’t… I have to do this.” He gave his attention back to the others, body jittery and pacing. “Ever since everything went down with Lulu, something hasn’t been right with me. Maybe even before that, but I couldn’t name what it was. I felt…incomplete. And not because I wasn’t in a relationship. At least not in the way you’re thinking. I realized I didn’t know who the fuck I was…what I wanted. Roe knew he wanted to experience life outside of Briar County, and he did. He lived and learned and experienced the world and decided he wanted to come home. Both Jackie and Dennis knew they wanted exactly what Mom and Dad have—marriage, family, and Covington Acres. But I didn’t know.” He continued pacing, not letting himself focus on any one person. “Maybe I did want that, and maybe I didn’t. I just feel like I never had the chance to sort through that asan individual rather than the youngest Covington son who has never stood out, not really.”

“Colby…we love you. I’m sorry we made you feel that way,” his mom said, and damned did that break his heart.

“I don’t doubt you love me. That’s why it’s so hard. And I also know that a lot of this comes from inside me. How I’ve always felt different but never had a name for it. That no matter how many women I was with, I could never feel that romantic connection. I didn’t understand it, like my wires were crossed. Every time I broke up with someone, it made me feel more and more broken. More and more different, which added to the restlessness I experienced around the farm.

“Who the fuck was Colby Covington? I wasn’t the guy who just wanted this farm and a family. I wasn’t the guy who knew much of anything other than the life laid out for me. I didn’t feel the need to get married. I don’t want kids. Hell, I wasn’t even the guy who thought I was capable of romantically loving someone until…”

He looked up, gaze snagging on Vince, who was staring at him with so much intensity, Colby felt like he could burn alive with it…and that he would want that. That he needed it. “Until Vince. I’m in love with him…in love withyou,” he added for Vince’s benefit. “And I’ve been so fucking scared to say it, scared to let myself believe I could feel it because something about me still feels like I’m broken inside.” And that was probably something Colby needed to talk to a therapist about. “I want to be with Vince, and I don’t want kids. I want to brew beer, try my hand at starting my own brewing company. And I want to travel with you, Vince. I’m so fucking scared to believe I can have those things, that I won’t fuck it up, that you won’t realize you want more than Briar County and that’s all I’ll ever be.”

Colby sighed, shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not even sure if you feel the same. I know you have your own hesitations, butI want to do more than see how things go. I want to be with you…because I love you. You’re my first crush, my last crush, my always crush, I reckon, and even if our idea of happiness is different from everyone else’s, I hope you want this with me too. I—”

“Shut up,” Vince said, making Colby’s heart race, until he smiled, which immediately made it settle down. “I want to taste every batch of beer you make, want to travel with you, garden with you, laugh with you.” He walked over and grabbed Colby’s face in his hands. “I’m so fucking in love with you too, and I know it will be different with you. I trust you, trustus. You’re worth the risk.”

Vince’s mouth crushed down on his, and he melted into the kiss, melted into Vince, knowing that whatever happened, the two of them would figure it all out together.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Vince

Vince’s heart wasbeating faster than maybe it had in his whole life. Things had already fallen into place for him, each block, each puzzle piece fitting together to show him exactly what he wanted, but this moment, hearing Colby say how he felt about him, right there in front of his whole family, cemented that.

Of course, he hated the fear Colby had felt, all those negative feelings building up until Colby exploded, but he thought they would all be better for it. What mattered most for him was Colby.

Vince pressed his forehead against Colby’s. He knew they had a room full of people around them, but somehow it was only the two of them.

“You really want this? Want me? Even though I’m such a mess?” Colby asked.

“Baby, I don’t think you know what a mess is. You have some things to sort out, but all of us do. We’ll get it done together.”

Colby nodded, kissed him again, then pulled back. They had more to discuss, but Vince knew this wasn’t the time.

He took Colby’s hand, offering support to his boyfriend, his partner, the man he loved. He could see the trepidation in Colby’s family but didn’t doubt it came from love, and maybe some guilt that they’d played into Colby’s insecurities. When you came from a family that loved this big, it made sense he would feel lost when he thought he couldn’t experience those same things.

“Son.” Charles used his crutches to limp over to him, Colby’s mom by his side. “We love you, no matter what. We’re sorry wemade you feel like you don’t have a choice in your own life, if we ever made you feel like you can’t come to us. I might not be real good with words, but the most important thing in my life will always be my family—whoever they love or don’t love, whatever they want or don’t want.”

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