Page 44 of Brutal Game

And I didn’t know how to make it stop.

When he pulled away, he lifted my chin with a finger, staring into my eyes. “If you like that, you’re going to love what I do next.”

His words chilled me. Not only because of the threat in them, but because I believed him.

I stood, gathering up my old crappy laptop and notebook as I stared up at him, refusing to be cowed. “I won’t love it, because there’s nothing you do that’s loveable, and there’s nothing about you that’s loveable, Jack Feldman. I wish I’d never met you, and I can’t wait for the day you’re finally out of my life for good.”

With that, I stormed out of the library.

But I could feel his eyes tracking me the whole time.

And part of me—a part I hated as much as I hated him?

Liked it.

15

Aviva

After Jack got me off in the library, I threw myself into finding evidence against Coach Jensen with renewed vigor. And although I hated to admit it to myself, I knew it was in part to avoid thinking about Jack, or how I’d responded to him. Although at night, I’d have dreams about him touching me; in the morning I’d feel desperate, frustrated, forced to get myself off with my fingers as I fantasized about him tying me up again.

Since the Reddit angle hadn’t panned out, I turned to Tovah for help.

“What about seeing what Lucy or Leslie know?” she asked.

Lucy and Leslie were students at Tabb, and friends of Tovah’s, even though they were both freshmen. I’d met them through Tovah a few times, and since Leslie was engaged to Tabb’s hockey team’s left wing, Mason Calloway, and Lucy’s guardian was Tabb’s hockey coach, Blake Samson, they might be able to find something out. Although I had mydoubts Coach Samson knew anything. From what Lucy had reluctantly told us, he was a stickler for rules, decorum, and respect—something that pissed Lucy off to no end. Mason, however, was possibly as unhinged as Jack, but would do literally anything to make Leslie happy.

Part of me worried about saying anything to either girl. They were Tovah’s friends, not mine, and Lucy especially seemed like a talker. I’d made a promise to Asher not to tell anyone anything, and I’d be breaking my promise and his trust by saying something. But I was running out of ideas, and I hoped they could help.

Feeling guilty, I texted my brother.

im coming home for october break

He responded immediately.

you don’t have to. flights from california to NY are too expensive

His words made me feel even worse. I couldn’t tell him I was only a few hours away by train; Gehenom wasn’t that far from our aunt’s home—our home—in Queens.

im coming home. i miss you. how are you doing?

you asked me that yesterday

and the day before

and the day before that…

because I care about you, and i want to make sure you’re doing okay. did you get the orange juice with the pulp in it?

yes. and before you ask, i’ve been seeing the counselor twice a week, and it’s helping.

Relief filled me like a cool drink of water for a parched throat.

im glad you’re going. kendrick lamar is headlining the super bowl half time show, did you see?

I watched as the ellipses danced on the screen. Finally:

haven’t been online. don’t wanna see anything about hockey or reina

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