Page 58 of Meet Me In The Dark

“It wouldn’t have mattered,” Luke said, sighing, as if he’d heard Conor’s thoughts. “They had us surrounded, they had a gun on Kara, and we couldn’t have saved her in time without her getting shot.”

“Oh, so you aren’t pissed at me anymore?” Micah raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, I’m still pissed at you,” Luke said. “I’m pissed at both of you.You,” he jerked his head toward Conor, “tried to sacrifice your damn ass to save me, even though I begged you not to, even though you promised me you wouldn’t. Refused to even believe me when I told you Kara and Micah were alive. Andyou,” he turned his head to glare at Micah, “were supposed to protect her. You were supposed to besafe. What the hell was the point of any of this, of us splitting up and sacrificing ourselves, if we were all going to end up here, anyway?”

Conor wasn’t the type to make wishes or fantasize. But for a moment, he wished that everything had gone differently, and that all of them were safe.

This was his worst nightmare. This was exactly what he’d been trying to avoid.

But saying that, sharing how hopeless he felt, helped none of them.

“How long have I been out?” he asked.

“Three days,” Luke said, glaring again. “For two of them, we weren’t even sure you were going to ever wake up.”

“Man—” Conor began.

Luke raised his hand. “Still don’t want to hear it.”

Micah glanced at them, then rolled his eyes. “The two of you were locked up together alone for three days, and you’re still bitching at each other. Kara and I worked our shit out, don’t tell me you didn’t.”

“Apparently,” Luke muttered. “Since she’s here.”

“Luke, please,” Micah groaned, sounding like he was in pain.

Luke shut his eyes for a moment. “Fine.” He answered Micah’s earlier question. “No, we settled the pissing contest, finally. That’s not why I’m angry. I’m angry because?—”

Conor cut him off. There was a frog in his throat. “—because I got lost in my own guilt and decided it wasn’t worth it for me to live. And sacrificed myself, so you would. I’m sorry.”

Luke jerked, surprised. Conor almost smiled; he hadn’t managed to surprise either of them since he’d first met and fell for Kara. But it wasn’t funny, was it? Maybe if they’d all managed to escape, it would be.

“What are you sorry for?” Luke asked, so quietly his words could barely be heard over the quiet rhythm of Kara’s snores.

Conor carefully moved Kara’s hand to his chest, then immediately winced in pain.

“Fuck, that was a mistake.”

“Take it easy,” Luke ordered, worry in his voice.

Conor ignored that, reaching out his hand to Luke, only to come up short. Conor was still on his back, Luke kneeling near him. He wasn’t quite used to this position. Unless theywere fucking, he was usually the one in the dominant position, no matter how much taller Luke was.

“What are you sorry for?” Luke repeated.

“I’m sorry for giving up so easily and abandoning you. I’m sorry for not having faith in you like you needed. I promise, I’ll be better.” Shockingly, as he said the words, the frog began to disappear.

Luke’s eyes flashed. “That’s all your sorry for?”

Conor tried to nod. “I’m not sorry for making that deal with the professor. I’m not sorry for sacrificing myself to save your life. I’d do it again, over and over. You know me, I’m a selfish bastard, and I refuse to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it.”

Although that might come true, soon. The only comfort Conor had, no matter how small, was that Conor would likely be killed soon after.

Where and how had he gone so wrong?

Luke interrupted his painful thought. “You think I could live in a world that you weren’t in? Or knowing you were out there somewhere, suffering? You fucking dumbass, I swear to god. I’m a selfish bastard, too, you know.”

The tightness in Conor’s chest loosened. Luke had told him he loved him, back in the cell. But hearing it was like breathing clean air for the first time. This was what it was like, to be so openly loved—and to feel safe enough to love them back.

“I love you,” he told Luke, softly, again.

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