Page 24 of Bonded Beyond Trickery

I’ve been at the Silver Howler pack for a few days and as much as I would have loved to wallow in the hurt my mate inflicted by telling me he wanted to put off my Luna ceremony, I can’t. I’ll be honest, it hasn’t helped that he hasn’t announced me officially to the pack.

The looks I’ve been getting, the curiosity on everyone’s face, is difficult to ignore. I can see the questions on the tip of the tongues of everyone I interact with. I can’t even express how much control it has taken to not scream from the top of the packhouse that I’m Whitaker’s mate.

Every time I almost spill the beans, I force a smile on my face and find something else to focus on.

“It will be okay,”my wolf tries to soothe me.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t help me at all. I’m on edge. I can feel it and there’s nothing I can do about it.

“If only we could train,”I grumble my discontent back at my wolf.

All she can do is let out a chuff in response because she knows I’m right. Even though Whitaker offered to spar with me in order to assess my skill and then allow me to train, it hasn’t happened. He’s been busy and I’ve been, well honestly, I’ve been avoiding him.

It hasn’t been easy and there have been times when I couldn’t put any distance between us, but I’ve done my best. Thankfully, being an Alpha comes with responsibility and he’s already busy most of the day.

I’ve filled my time by going around to the pack’s businesses and talking with the owners. At first, people didn’t seem all that interested in talking to me. Who could blame them, really? Its’ not like they know I’m their Luna by virtue of being Goddess bound to their Alpha.

It probably hasn’t helped that I’ve hidden my mating mark.

Even now, as I head toward the cluster of businesses, it tingles and reminds me that mated wolves aren’t built to freeze out their mates. But what else can I do?

I understand that I made choices, ones which hurt my mate. I’ve accepted that and explained my reasoning, flawed as it may have been. I’ve taken responsibility for what I did.

Maybe thinking we could move past it was naïve.

“You can’t hold his wariness against him,”my wolf tries to reason with me.

“I know,”I admit with a sigh.“It’s just that, if he would use the bond then he could feel my emotions and my sincerity. I fucked up. I can admit that, and I haven’t tried to say anything different. I cost us time we’ll never get back. But I did think I was doing the right thing at the time. Not just for the pack, but for me.”

“It is not easy for an Alpha to admit that he is scared or to show anyone his weaknesses.”

Well. Fuck.

As I approach the bakery, which has delicious pastries I could spend hours eating, I push thoughts of my mate away. I wouldn’t feel on edge if I could train, but I’m not about to go over Whitaker’s head. Not yet, anyway.

If I continue to feel like I’m about to crawl out of my skin, then I might not have another choice. For now, it’s manageable. But I will need to go for a run as a wolf soon.

“Yes,”she growls, happiness at the thought of running free making it sound more like a purr,“we need to run.”

As I enter the bakery, I’m assaulted by the scent of sugar and vanilla. It calms something in me and reminds me of the time I would spend baking with my mom. She always had a way of knowing exactly what I need, usually it involved something sweet or some chocolate.

What can’t be solved with chocolate?

Maggie, who owns the bakery, flashes me a big smile from the other side of the counter. There are a few streaks of flour on her face which has me stifling a giggle.

I was always making a mess in the kitchen when I baked. A yearning feeling makes itself known in my chest. Since leavingGolden Summit, I’ve been dodging calls from Crew, Elodie, and my parents. I know they would be here to support me, but this something I need to do on my own.

I messed up; I have to make it right.

Telling my parents about what I did was hard enough. I suppose I could have tried to hide it from them, but they would have figured it out since they were at my first mating ball with me. Crew could have spilled the beans as well without even realizing I was keeping it a closely guarded secret.

That wouldn’t have turned out well and I knew it would be better coming from me anyway. Their disappointment when I told them after I got home from the mating ball was palpable. It was only the pain in my mother’s eyes and the regret in my father’s which felt like a lifeline.

“Hi, Tilly,” Maggie chirps.

Even though she’s smiling at me and there’s a cheerful vibe wrapping around her, which looks right at home in her colorful bakery, something in her eyes has me taking pause. She’s hiding something. I want to know what it is, and I want to help her solve it.

“Maggie,” I smile at her, “how are you doing today?”

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