This wasn’t happening. No freaking way was this actually happening.

Ziggy didnotlove me.

With his foot propped up on my coffee table, Ziggy’s crotch was three feet from my face. His striped pants were too tight, clearly outlining his banana and coconuts. I sat on the couch frozen, unable to look away or even blink.

I pressed my head back hard against the cushion and wished through force of will I could transport myself anywhere else. Maybe if I wished hard enough for it, a portal would open up and suck me in. I’d land alone on a deserted island, free from this torture. Ooh, maybe a mountaintop nunnery, where I could hide between puffy coat layers and a vow of silence.

Ziggy strummed his ukulele and swung his hips. “Ohhhh, Esme can’t you see? Your heart, it belongs to me. When I’m with you, I feel so free. My love for you is like a manatee.”

A manatee?What was that supposed to mean?

Much more of this singing and gyrating, and my brain would melt. I’d rather be transported to the center of an active volcano than listen to another line. “Ziggy, please don’t do this.”

He kept right on singing like he hadn’t heard me, even though he definitely had.

How did we even get here? He’d stopped by. Everything was normal, we were talking, and he’d had an excited spark in his eyes. Then this bizarre alternate reality that could not be my life crashed down on my head. Maybe Ziggy was under the influence of too much caffeine. Maybe there was carbon monoxide leaking into the house and we were both hallucinating.

Try as I might to accept one of my grasping, desperate explanations, I had to accept reality. And I needed to force Ziggy to do the same.

With a deep breath, I shoved Ziggy’s knee off the table and shot up to my feet. No way was I having this conversation with his bulge in my face. “Stop!”

He slowly ceased his strumming, and the elated expression on his face melted into concern.

“You are not in love with me,” I said. “How about this—you walk out that door, and when we see each other next, we both pretend you never stopped by tonight.”

His concern sharpened for a moment before his usual easy smile retook his face. “I can’t do that. How about a counter offer—you listen to thewholesong before responding. Now that the flow’s interrupted, I have to start over at the beginning.”

“No, that won’t be necessary.”

“I’m fun. You’re fun. We have fun together,” he said.

“You can’t love me. You hardly know me.”

He grinned wider and wagged his brows. “Imagine how much morefunwe could be having. It’s inevitable. The chemistry between us, Es—it’s molten.”

The contents of my stomach were molten. At this rate, it wouldn’t be long before they spewed. He wasn’t listening to me, and the number one rule of my new life was thatIwas in control.I refused to tolerate any man ignoring what I said, even if Ziggy was harmless.

“You need to go,” I told him.

He tilted his head slightly to the side like he couldn’t comprehend the words that I was saying. He put his foot back up on the table and cocked his ukulele. “This isn’t going right. I need to start at the beginning. Then you’ll see.”

Fury flared through my veins. No way was he going to subject me to more of this torture.

I had said he needed to go, he refused. Time to bring out the big guns. I knew just what to say to show him what a fool he was being.

“I’m pregnant.” I spit the words like acid.

And oh yes, they landed just as intended, like a chemical burn. The color immediately drained from Ziggy’s face. His lips flattened and his eyes went wide.

“I am not interested in you in that way. Now it’s time for you to leave.” I pointed at the door, a mix of emotion bubbling up in my gut.

I’d used my secret as a weapon.

I’d told someone the truth about my situation.

Secrets couldn’t stay secret if I started saying them out loud.

Ohmygoodness, what had I done?