Page 69 of The Masks She Wore

?Any of it.

?Jack.

?Malachi.

?Mymother.

?Max.

?I felt like I was going to get sick. Like I would never eat again.

?I made myself a cup of coffee and headed back for the couch. It didn’t take long, however, until I was forcing myself up, grabbing my phone, and falling back onto the couch. Iwasgrateful that he had fixed my back, but everything else? How could you change out someone’s piss-sheets and not change your mind about them?

?I suppose he was still texting me, but even so, I needed some time to come to terms with the fact that the man who fucked me into ashort coma had now wiped my ass and washed my piss-covered sheets.

?Jack had already texted me back, but rather than reading it, I pulled up Viv’s number.

?“Viv isn’t who you think she is.”

?Then who was she? They said my life wasn’t mine, so who’s was it? If it was made up, then why? What happened? Why couldn’t I remember anything?

?My eyes fell to one of the long scars that spanned the length of my forearm. I studied it carefully. I had never once questioned where they had come from, why would I? All kids get scars. All of them. They weren’t expected to remember where they had gotten them.

?But even when I pushed, trying to remember something. A bike crash, a car accident, falling out of a tree, there was nothing.

?I rubbed my eyes fiercely and slammed my phone down on the table. What the fuck was happening to me?

?So, if Donna wasn’t real, if Viv wasn’t who I thought she was, if Bennett wasn’t even my real name, then who thefuckwas I?

?Why did I know three different languages? Why were the Bennett’s known among the elite? Where did all of this money come from? All of the money I got when she died.

?A death that could never truly be solved because there was no body or evidence of any kind.

?Did my mom even die or was she out there somewhere doing some sketchy shit? Malachi seemed to think that was the case, why wouldn’t it be? She could be alive.

?My heart stuttered at that, and I immediately pressed play on whatever my button was on. I turned the volume up until all I could hear was the movie. No. I didn’t want to deal with this. I didn’t want to think about it. My life was my own.Thiswas my life. Horror movies and research and coffees and social media. It was shallow, I know, but what 26-year-old had their life together at this point?

?None that I knew of. We were all just floundering children in adult bodies, fucking and hobbying our way through our life until something started making sense.

?So, I would drown in my hobby. Jack was gone, he couldn’t do anything about what I was doing, so I was going to drink coffee, eat an unhealthy amount of take-out, maybe find a party to go to and get so fucking high I couldn’t remember my name.

?Either of them.

?I was Rae Bennett, but for now I wanted to be just another face. Another woman getting too high, getting too drunk, maybe getting too friendly. I wanted to get lost in bad decisions just to drown out everything, and so that’s what I would do. Goodbye far too many questions, hello partying, drinking, and smoking out all of my issues.

~~~

November 7th, 2019

There was a party happening tonight at Port Capleon and I was going.

?I had to go.

?I needed to get out of the house, get fucked up on whatever I could, and maybe find some guy who would give me enough attention to make me forget everything else.

?Self-destruction was an important part of growing up. The generation above mine had mid-life crises’ that led them to buying sports cars and hair pieces, this was my mid-life crises. Self-destruction at its finest.

?My phone had died two days ago, so I plugged it in while I got ready, only to return to it and find dozens of missed calls from Max, along with dozens of messages from him too.

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