Page 10 of The Masks She Wore

?My phone started screaming at me like a goat who’s only goal in life was to irritate the shit out of me. With a loud groan, I felt around my bed until my hand slapped right on top of the device. I wrapped my fingers around it and threw it across the room, uncaring if it shattered. I wasn’t one to waste money, but fuck it, I couldn’t sit here and endure that racket, not this early in the morning.

?It went silent and I relaxed back into bed. Just a few more hours of sticky sleep and then I would—

?My entire body went rigid when the sound attacked my overstimulated eardrums with a vengeance. God, fuck Viv for encouraging me to pick a song ringtone. Who wanted to hearIrisby theGoo Goo Dollsscreaming at you after a night like last night?

?Not me.

?Definitely not me.

?I groaned again, throwing my pillow at it with an embarrassingly weak arm.

?My eyes opened slowly, glued together by sleep and the expensive mascara that was advertised to survive through a tsunami of rain, sweat, and body glitter. That was, in fact, a lie. Would I switch brands? No. I loved this brand, I just partied too hard last night.

?Thanks Viv.

?The phone went silent and then started blaring again almost instantly.

?Fine, I’llget up. Fuck.

?Newly 26 and I couldn’t even sleep in? Fuck the universe for forcing me to do this. And fuck drunk me for not shutting off my goddamn cellphone.

?With a huff and a puff, I forced myself out of bed, wincing as the leather dress I stuffed myself into last night pulled angrily at my too raw skin. A mistake, honestly, but after taking MDMA before getting dressed last night, I thought it had been thebestidea.

?I had lookedreallyhot, but Jesus, was it worth it?

?Yeah, fuck that. It was 100 percent worth it. But no more pregaming. Ever.

?Who was I kidding, I’d pregame again if Viv asked me to.

?Ignoring my phone, I headed straight for my bathroom instead. First shower then phone. The world wouldn’t end because I ignored my phone for an hour.

?I peeled the second layer of skin off me and inspected the new raw spots that would definitely need a good, deep conditioning, before I stepped into the shower, letting the scalding water soothe away the aches and pains of a night of dancing and drinking.

?By the feeling of it, I didn’t fuck anyone last night, which was frustrating to say the least. I know the whole ‘don’t take advantage of a drunk girl’ was important and greatly undervalued by a lot of men in this world, but I honestly wouldn’t have minded. Whatever that said about me, I didn’t care, not right now.

?I was overly desperate for that kind of male attention, but it wasbetter this way. Viv saved me from the creeps ofVariousand I was grateful to her for doing that, I truly was. My toxicity was just that; toxic. And anyway, I wanted to remember who I had sex with just in case something like pregnancy or an STD surprised me.

?I glanced down at my body, mainly because I didn’t have the strength to hold up my head yet and thought back to how I had looked last night in the mirror. A smile touched my lips. I had looked drop dead gorgeous, there was no way I hadn’t gotten some attention, even if that attention didn’t lead to anything fun.

?I chalked it up to a best friend being a best friend and moved on with my life.

?I wasn’t sure how long I stood underneath that scalding water before I finally began my carefully thought out and perfected routine.

?I loved it. I loved my routine, the depth in which I was able to take care of myself. I loved looking good, feeling good. I loved the way eyes lingered on me when I walked by. It made me feel good. It made me feel seen. It was worth it most days.

?I loved taking care of myself. Finding the best hair styles, the best clothes that fit my curves, the best jewelry, makeup. Everything. It was like a science. My body was a canvas, the world was my paint, and I wanted to spend the rest of my lifelivingto my full potential.

?An hour later, I was finally walking out, more or less refreshed and ready for a day of horror movies and research.

?I pulled on an oversized tee over nothing but a black thong and made my way through my suite. Coffee, coffee, coffee, it’s all I could think about.

?Coffee.

?It was midday. I had slept in, but notthatmuch, so nobody could accuse me of being lazy. When I hit 30, I knew that these late nights and just as late days would have to ease, so I wanted to live it up before then. Three more years of going hard before easing into life and trying to figure out what it was I wanted to do with the rest of it.

?While the coffee brewed, I turned onGhost Adventures. I liked having it on as something to listen to while I went about life. People claimed watching too much of that shit would desensitize a person, but I saw no desensitization. In fact, I felt more jumpy after years of drowning in horror than I had before I got into that world.

?Did it deter me? No. I loved that shit, and I would continue to watch it and read it until the day I met my inevitable end.

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