Page 30 of The Forever Game

“I better go check out the kitchen.” She sighs.

“It’s okay. You can relax. Liam and Billy are on cleaning detail, and they’re doing a wonderful job.” I smile, and she blinks in surprise.

“Billy’s cleaning?”

“He is.” I nod with a grin.

Caroline’s shoulders relax a little, and she manages a fleeting smile. “So, Lani tells me you’re looking into adoption.” She crosses her arms over her beach-ball stomach, trying to look bright and cheerful, but her poor, tired face can barely muster it.

News always travels fast in our group, which is why we haven’t told anyone yet that we’re getting a baby. We want to meet the mother first and get the paperwork all signed. But maybe it’ll be okay to share this with Caroline. It’ll be a happy distraction for her. We can celebrate raising our daughters together. Mine will be born only three months after hers.

It’s impossible to fight my grin as I say, “Actually—” My phone rings before I can spill the beans. “Sorry,” I murmur, pulling it out of my pocket and checking the screen.

My heart jumps with a little skip as I see it’s from the adoption agency, and I answer with a broad grin. “Hello.”

“Hi, Rachel.” The second I hear her voice, I know it’s not good. Her tone is too flat.

My smile disappears, heat spreading through me as she sighs and punches me right through the heart.

“I hate to be making this call. I really thought it was a sure thing. She seemed adamant that she wanted to put her baby up for adoption. Everything was lined up, but… I just got a call from her parents. They’ve decided to keep the baby.”

I don’t know what to say, so I just stand there quietly while she tries to encourage me and tell me this isn’t the end. There’ll be another baby out there who needs a home and?—

“How long will that take?” I interrupt her.

“I can’t say for sure. Sometimes it’s only a matter of weeks; other times it can take months, even years. But you’re in our system now, and we’ll contact you as soon as we find a good match. In the meantime, you could always consider foster care.”

I close my eyes. The thought of caring for children only to have to give them away again sends a searing pain through me. I don’t think I’m cut out for that. I wish I could be. It’s such an admirable thing to do, but I know myself well enough… and I can’t do foster care. My heart will break every time a child is sent back to their parents or moved on somewhere else.

I just want a baby who can be mine… a child Liam and I can raise. I want a family that I can watch grow.

“Have a think on it,” she murmurs, obviously sensing my distress. “Once again, I’m sorry. I’ll be in touch.”

She mercifully ends the call, and I pull the phone away from my ear.

“Everything okay?” Caroline steps toward me and I back away, forcing myself to nod and smile.

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

“You don’t look?—”

“I’m fine.” I brighten my smile, my insides trembling with the effort of keeping it together.

Caroline definitely doesn’t believe me, but she quickly gets distracted when Troy starts giggling, and we both glance down to see him gleefully pulling wet wipes out of the container and throwing them over his shoulder.

“Troy, stop.” Caroline crouches down, tutting as she takes the container and then starts picking up the wet wipes. “Honestly, this day is a nightmare.”

“Yeah, such a nightmare,” I mutter. I can’t help it.

Standing there with her pregnant belly and a beautiful baby boy at her feet… what the fuck does she have to complain about?

Troy lets out a squelchy fart, which stinks to high heaven, and Caroline sighs, letting out a whimper as she lifts him up and checks his diaper.

“Again? I just changed you.”

Troy giggles and she huffs, laying him back down and grumbling about endless diapers and stinky poop and…

And I lose it.

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