Page 101 of Can't Fight the Moonlight

That was different. When he was a kid and he'd come upon them having a meal, they'd been talking a mile a minute, each one fighting for airtime. Their passion for their conversation had been palpable, and he'd always felt outside of whatever they were discussing. They'd had their lives, and he'd had his, but it hadn't felt like they were living in the same world or even the same family.

Now, it actually felt like they were in the same space. They were all uncertain, unhappy, not sure what to say or do. But it was happening. This reluctant reunion was going to take place, and they were all going to have to deal with the repercussions. He crossed the room and pulled out an empty chair at their table and sat down.

Both of his parents gave him surprised and worried looks.

"Justin," his mom said. "I'm glad you didn't run when you saw us."

"I'm done with that."

"Good," his father said. "We need to talk."

"So, talk," he said harshly. Lizzie was right. This was on them. If they wanted forgiveness, if they wanted him in their lives, that it was on them to try to make that happen.

"We're sorry that we didn't tell you we were coming," his mother said.

"Fine, but that's not what we need to talk about, is it?"

"No," his dad replied. "We need to talk about Sean. You blame us for his death."

"I do. I did," he amended.

At that correction, his mom's face brightened. "You don’t anymore?"

"Let's just say I think there's plenty of blame to go around. And some of that blame is on Sean."

His father's jaw dropped. "I can't believe you'd admit that. Sean was your hero."

"Sean was also my brother. But he had faults and weaknesses, and I probably knew that better than anyone. I should have made sure that you knew as well."

"You were a kid. You weren't to blame, Justin," his father said.

"I saw how much Sean was partying. I could have told you more. I could have asked you to come home."

"You did ask us," his mom said. "More than once. And we knew that Sean was out of control when he got that DUI. We tried to get him help, but it wasn't enough. He was too old for us to control. He was too far into his substance abuse. We let you both down. We know that, Justin. Believe me, we know that."

"You never said that before."

"We were in shock and pain, and we got defensive when you blamed us, when your grandparents blamed us," she said. "Then we tried to shift that blame to everyone else, which didn't help. There was so much anger in the family. And then things got worse, because we lost you, too."

"Lost me?" he echoed, picking out those two particular words. "How could you lose someone you never had?"

"Justin—" his dad began. "We can't change what happened."

"Let him talk," his mom said. "Say whatever you need to say."

"Why did you have kids?" he asked. "Why did you have me? Sean was already in the picture when you two got together. Why have another child when you wanted to travel and work on health missions around the world?" He hadn't thought he'd ask the questions that had plagued him for so long, but they came out before he could stop them.

"We didn't know when we had you that we would get so involved overseas," his dad said. "And we were in love. We wanted a baby to be a part of that love."

"We always wanted you, Justin," his mom put in. "You weren't a mistake or an accident. We chose to have you."

"And you chose to leave me—a lot. By the time I was nine, you were gone for at least a third of the year, and then it was half the year. I spent more time with the nanny and with Sean than I did with either of you."

"We couldn't take you with us. It was too dangerous. But we thought we'd provided a good home for you. Gloria was a wonderful nanny. You loved her. And you and Sean were so tight. You had each other."

"Gloria was great, but she wasn't my mother, and she left, too. Then there were just random people taking care of us. Sean was more of a parent to me than anyone else. Even after he died, you only stayed home for six months before you left again."

"You weren't even talking to us," his mom said. "And you were living with your grandparents. You were happy there."

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