Page 111 of Critical Doubt

His smile faded. "I didn't want you to be afraid of me. I just didn't know how to be your father, Savannah. I'm not good with kids, especially girls. Your mom understood you. She knew what you needed. I didn't."

"You didn't try."

"You're right. I was devastated when your mother died. The bottom fell out of my world."

"Mine, too."

"I buried myself in work. I told myself I was doing my duty by you and that you were better off. But by the time I realized you weren't happy, you were so angry with me, and you were acting out every other second."

"I wanted your attention. And when I was in trouble, you usually showed up. Until you didn't. And then I tried something else. I joined the army. I thought we could connect if I was a soldier, too. But that didn't work, either. You were angry with my choice."

"Because I didn't want you to go to war. I wanted you to be safe. I knew I couldn't protect you once you joined up."

"But you did try. That's why I got into Army Intelligence, why I got great posts every time I made a move. That was you working behind the scenes, wasn't it? I thought it was because you didn't trust me to be a good soldier."

"It wasn't that. I couldn't stand the thought of something happening to you. I owed that to your mother." He paused. "I have to admit I was glad when you got out. But then you joined the FBI. Why can't you do something…normal?"

"Because I'm not normal. Because, ironically, I'm a lot like you. I can't stand it, but it's true. I'm not like Mom. I'm not creative or nurturing. I can't bring plants back to life. I'm a terrible cook, but I am a good agent."

He gave her a long look. "Do you think I have something to do with the missing shipment, Savannah? Is that why you don't want to talk to me?"

She thought about his question. "I don't think you do, no. But this is an ongoing investigation. And you don't have a need to know."

"Fair enough. Then I'll tell you why I really asked you here."

Her stomach fluttered with his somber tone. "Go ahead."

"I'm concerned that Bill may be involved, too."

"Bill Vance? Why would you say that?"

"Because I've known him for thirty years, and since his wife, Doris, died five years ago, he has changed. I've tried to ignore it, telling myself I'm imagining things. But I don't have a big imagination. I've always dealt in facts, and here are the facts. Bill quit the army after the mission that killed two members of Stone's team. After that, he seemed like a different person. He was angry. He was guilty. He was conflicted. I could see it, even if he wouldn't admit it. When Mason came to me asking for my help in getting a job at Spear, I thought Bill might feel better if he could help Mason get back on his feet."

"Okay, but why do you think Colonel Vance is involved?" she asked, still not sure where he was going with their conversation.

"Since Paul died, he's been cagey, and when I told him Todd was dead, too, he almost jumped out of his skin. He knew something I didn't; that was clear. Then we were informed about the possible intercept of a weapons shipment, and he started sweating like a pig. He was on his phone constantly. He kept disappearing into the bathroom. After the truck went missing, he suddenly had an appointment out of the office. He was so squirrely I knew something was going on, so I followed him."

"You followed him?"

"Yes."

"Well, where did he go?"

"The Ambassador Hotel. He met a man in the bar there, and it was not a man I wanted to see him with."

"Who was it?"

"His name is Rajeesh Buthanu. Mr. Buthanu is an arms dealer, and one who is believed to play all sides. He sells to whoever will pay the most money. I couldn't believe he was in the States or that he was meeting with Vance, right after a shipment of weapons went missing."

"Did they see you?"

"No. I've been trying to get a hold of Vance since then, but he's not answering my calls. I know he didn't go back to Spear, because I talked to his assistant. I went by his house, but there was no answer."

"Then he's in the wind. Why didn't you just call the FBI and tell them what you told me?"

"Well, here's the tricky part."

She could see the answer in his eyes. "You want to try to save Vance."

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