"I don't know."
"What she said—about agents deciding when it's time to hang it up in the field and come home and be themselves—I've thought about that in regard to myself."
"What conclusion did you come to?"
"I never came up with one. I guess I'll know when it's time. What about you?"
"I have to admit her words resonated with me. The last several years have been one assignment after another. I was always on a chase, living under a different identity, using all my spy craft to get the job done, and I felt good about it. I was on a roller coaster, and while sometimes my head spun a little, I didn't see a reason to get off—until now."
"Because of April?"
"No. Because of you. When we went riding yesterday, I could suddenly see another life for myself, one that you were in."
His words made her chest tighten. "Since we met, I've had a few thoughts about that kind of life myself."
"In between stuffing our faces with tacos, making mountainous ice cream sundaes, and telling our truths over poker, I discovered a woman who makes my toes curl."
She laughed. "Good. Because I was afraid you were leaving out last night's sexy fun."
"Oh, no, that could never be left out." He put his arms around her. "I don't know where we're going, Parisa, I just know I want us to find a way to be together." His gaze grew more serious. "You told me you don't have a home anywhere in the world, no place where you feel safe, where you feel like yourself. How about right here? And I'm not talking about this apartment—I'm talking about my arms around you. I'd like to be your home, Parisa."
She drew in a shaky breath, her heart turning over with his tender, loving words. "Being with you does feel like home, Jared. I've never been able to speak to anyone the way you and I talk. Even with all our secrets, there is more truth between us than I've ever felt in my life. I want to be your home, too. But I'm a little afraid. We both live dangerous lives. We could say good-bye and never come back. You've lost two people you cared about to violence. Are you sure you don't want to find a nice preschool teacher, or a veterinarian, someone who doesn't do what I do?"
"My mom was an ordinary woman doing an ordinary job when she died. No one knows how long they have. You just have to live the day you're in. And frankly, having a minute with you is worth more to me than a lifetime with someone else."
"That's an amazing thing to say." Her eyes filled with moisture. "I feel the same way. This day is turning out to be really good."
"I know how to make it even better."
"Show me."
He lowered his head and gave her a hungry, needy, passionate kiss, and she kissed him back in exactly the same way. They really were the perfect match.
* * *
After making love, sharing a midnight Chinese food feast, making love again, and then falling asleep in each other's arms, Parisa woke up in Jared's bed Tuesday morning, feeling like she was exactly where she wanted to be. Especially when she saw Jared lying next to her.
She turned on to her side, and just let herself look at him. His features were more relaxed in sleep. In fact, there was a hint of a smile on his lips. Maybe he was thinking about her—about the night they'd shared.
It was strange how comfortable she felt with him. She'd always been fine on her own—independent, strong, happy in her own company—but this felt so much better. She and Jared were connected. They were in love. They were each other's safe harbor—each other's home.
And she'd needed home more than she'd realized. She'd always felt loved by her mother and her stepfather, but she'd also been on the outside of their intense love affair. Now, she understood their closeness, their desire to be with each other, because she was caught up in her own passionate love.
Jared was good for her and she was good for him. They brought out the best in each other, and they seemed to have a way of communicating that didn't require words.
Jared shifted and blinked open one eye, then the other. "Morning."
"Good morning," she said happily.
"You're watching me sleep?"
"Yes. I can't seem to get enough of you."
He gave her a lazy, sexy smile. "Right back at you." He rolled over on to his side and gave her a longer look. "What are you thinking about?"
"Taking a shower together."
"Good answer. But your expression is a bit more serious than that."