Page 18 of Monster's Reward

If they had justtoldme my own history, I would have known to avoid Jahrdran at all costs and would never have mated with him.

Probably.

At the very least, I wouldn’t have allowed my obsession to get so out of control that I was constantly lurking in the shadows, watching him.

And without me obsessively stalking him, I probably wouldn’t have pulled him into the shadows with me in the first place.

Which meant he may never have claimed me as his mate, then later, rejected me, leaving me in this impossible situation.

A situation I had no idea how to fix.

Wasthere any way to fix it?

And more importantly, did I even want to?

The pain I felt at his rejection was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. The loneliness that had diminished when I found Shadow and that had completely disappeared in the past few weeks since mating with Jahrdran was back with a vengeance and it was way worse than before.

Now I knew what I was missing.

Now I knew what it felt like to be cherished, to be the mate of someone who would do anything for you.

And now I knew what it felt like to be rejected by that same mate for something that wasn’t even your fault, for something completely out of your control, for something as simple and immutable as your genetic makeup.

Even if I could fix things, somehow convince Jahrdran to give us a chance, I don’t know that I could ever forgive himortrust him again.

I was still lying on my bed, where I’d collapsed after Jahrdran left, curled into a ball with Shadow wrapped around me, when Jasmine and Mikaela came into the room, laughing.

The minute they caught sight of me, they both froze and stared.

“Oh, Kasi,” Jasmine gasped. “What happened?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice sounding completely foreign to my ears, lifeless and lost.

“You’recrying,” Mikaela exclaimed.

I lifted a hand to my cheek and realized she was right.

Tears were slowly trickling down my face in an outward display of the heartache I was now experiencing.

I couldn’t understand it.

How had he become so important to me in such a short amount of time?

How could losing him send me spiraling like this?

“Are you okay?” Jasmine sat beside me on the bed.

“Should I get Jahrdran?” Mikaela asked.

“No!” I exclaimed hoarsely, scrambling to a sitting position.

Shadow crept around me, sliding into my lap and stretching upward, so that somehow her entire body was connected to my front, her face buried in my neck, her purr rumbling through me, a reminder that even though my heart was breaking, I was still not alone.

“No,” I said again. “He–he–” I broke off as a new spate of tears poured down my face.

“Oh no,” Jasmine said softly. “What happened? He’s okay, right?”

The question stalled me for a moment because it made me realize they thought maybe he’d been hurt or even killed, but then wouldn’t the pain of that be better than this? At least then I’d know he didn’t leave me willingly.

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