Page 52 of Protecting the Flame

Chapter 9

“Thought you’d fallen in,”Earl said as she emerged from the cockpit.

It was something Bubbe Sarah would’ve said. Her other go-to whenever someone headed for the bathroom: Hope everything comes out all right. Despite everything, she laughed. “We got to talking.”

“About?”

She debated about lying then decided to hell with it. “Scott.”

“Ah.” The other man was quiet a moment. “Never liked him. But he’s the father…of my grandkid.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Earl.”

“She’s my daughter.” He subsided then said, “Kill for her…but I can’t live her life. Can only help…when she makes a mistake.”

Scott was a big mistake. On the other hand, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t made one helluva mistake herself. “You would’ve liked my grandmother. She’d have told you to knock out a couple of Scott’s teeth for good measure.”

Earl spluttered a laugh that degenerated into a phlegmy coughing fit. She couldn’t get him into a sit. Will had warned about more damage to Earl’s spine. She settled for slipping a hand under his shoulders and giving him a couple of thumps with a fist until Earl hawked up something and spat. When he was settled again, she dumped snow into the cookpot they’d unpacked from Burke’s stash and set that on the fire to melt. “Let’s get something warm into you.”

“No.” At her look, he gave a weak wave of a hand, “Save it. You’ll…” He focused on breathing then said, “Save it.”

“Okay.” She put a hand on his chest. She didn’t know why. For a while, they sat together, and her hand rode the swell and fall of the tides of his breath. Then she said, “I’m pregnant.”

He was quiet a moment. “The father…”

“Isn’t a good person. My husband’s dead. Been dead eighteen months.” She drew in a shuddery breath. “I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

“Your parents…?”

“Both dead. Three months after my husband. Car crash, the police said. Drunk driver.”

He waited a beat. “Doesn’t sound like you believe that.”

“Because I don’t, any more than I believe what they said about Ben.” Some proof to back any of that up would’ve been nice.

“Grandmother?”

“Gone. I’ve got a sister. She’s got three kids, all little. She’s married to a nice guy.”

“If you’ve made a mistake…why are you…”

“Still pregnant?” She shook her hand. “I don’t know. I came close. I made the appointment and then I…I couldn’t do it. I still have the pills.” Even if she took them now, she wasn’t sure they would work. But she hung onto them for reasons she didn’t understand. They were talismans of the person she always thought she was: independent, decisive. Fearless. Follow that damn story wherever it led and to hell with everything else.

That hadn’t worked out so well.

His gloved hand cupped the back of her own. “God’s kept you…safe. He got you this far.”

She didn’t want to be cruel, but she wouldn’t let that pass either. “I’m sorry, Earl, but a god has nothing to do with it. If a god did, Jews wouldn’t have been led into gas chambers still mumbling meaningless prayers. My husband would be alive. My parents wouldn’t have been…” She almost said murdered to make a point. She really had no proof. “We wouldn’t have crashed, and you’d be walking out of here. You wouldn’t—” She grabbed the rest before it could fly from her mouth. “I’m sorry, but please don’t talk to me about any kind of god.”

“All right.” He kept his hand on hers. “We’ll…watch the fire then. Keepers of the flame. You heard…of them?” When she shook her head, he said, “Learned about them from…friend of mine. Alaska. Eskimo man makes this lamp…qulliq, it’s called. Gives it to his wife. A gift. Without his wife to keep the fire burning…there would be no home. They’d all die.” He patted her hand. “They know. Without a woman…to protect that flame inside…there is no life.”

It was a good story and, as Hunter would’ve said, a blind man could see that metaphor with a cane. She knew Earl meant well, too, even if all of it was so much sentimental treacle worthy of Hallmark. But she liked this old man and, for the rest of that night, she made it her business not to fall asleep and let the fire die. She kept that flame going.

But she couldn’t do the same for Earl.

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