Page 16 of Never Say Never

I stuff my phone in my pocket and grab my gym bag. I really should be going over the playbook, but I need to get my nervesin check first. I head straight for the locker room, where I change into a T-shirt and athletic shorts and then head for the gym.

I’m relieved to find the facility empty. Normally I enjoy running into students here, but today I just don’t have the energy for small talk. I pop in my ear buds and sink down on a weight bench, The Rolling Stones playlist reminds me of my dad as always. His favorite song isStart Me Up.

Pain and bitterness burn in my stomach when I think about the arguments we’ve had over the years—none more intense than on the day I broke the news that I wouldn’t be following in his footsteps. My dad was angry. My mother sat in silence. I wanted to scream at them both for not thinking I was enough, for not supporting me in following my own dreams. I wanted them to know how inadequate they had always made me feel and how tired I was of carrying that burden.

But instead, I went next door to Daisy’s house, to the people who had always felt like a second family to me. There were no questions, just love and support. Daisy’s mom and dad had always treated me like I was their own and some days it felt like they understood and appreciated me more than my own parents did.

Daisy grew up knowing that she was loved unconditionally. Her childhood was spent in a house that was filled with warmth and fun. Every birthday and anniversary were celebrated, every accomplishment was noticed. Meanwhile, I have spent most of my life trying to prove to my perfectionist parents that I’m not a screw-up. Ours is a deeply flawed relationship, and sometimes I wonder if that’s the reason I’ve avoided getting serious with anyone.

Despite my disdain for relationships— the thought of being tied down to one woman gives me hives— I would do anything for Daisy. I have always felt protective of her. I’ve never metanyone else who I have felt this fiercely connected to. I cannot imagine a life without Daisy in it.

We were seven years old when I pushed a kid in our class for pulling her hair. We were 10 years old when I told off some twerp for trying to steal her sandwich. And we were 16 when I finally found the balls to kiss her, and it was even better than I had ever fantasized.

After the kiss, she didn’t shut down or run away. She opened her eyes and stared back at me, like she was daring me to kiss her again. Her confidence was sexy as fuck, tempting me to take her up to my bedroom and take the kiss further, and damn if I didn’t want to. I had spent a long time battling the lust I felt for her, and that kiss only proved the attraction wasn’t one-sided.

I’ll never forget the soft smile on her lips when her eyes fluttered open or the four words she said to me when we broke the kiss.That felt so good.The expression on her face hit me like a punch to the gut. I had never seen her look at me like that before. Instead of playing it cool and worrying about what the kiss meant to me, she admitted how it felt to her.

It is a trait of Daisy’s that I loved then and still do; a real, raw vulnerability that my stupid heart has always a had a soft spot for. It still does.

I tried to forget it and move on. I fooled around with women—a lot of them—and hoped to make a genuine connection along the way. But I have never been able to shake the dream of being with Daisy.

It doesn’t help that we see each other at least once a week, or that her name comes up in almost every single conversation I have with my parents. Daisy has always been so deeply intertwined with my life, but I’ve done my best to keep a safe distance, because depriving myself of the one thing I really want is the only option.

But since that conversation on the dock, I can’t get this idea out of my head. It’s crazy, but it could work. Daisy wants to havefunbefore she leaves, and I can’t stomach the idea of a stranger putting his hands all over her. That is not going to fucking happen.

Maybe I can be hergood timeuntil she leaves on her trip. Better it’s me than some other guy who doesn’t deserve her and who won’t treat her right.

Maybe it could work. But it will have to wait.

First, I have a game to win.

SEVEN

TUCKER COLLINS DETOX

Daisy

I hurriedly walk through the doors of Dream Bean café, sighing when I see the lineup of people in front of me. I join the line, checking the time on my phone because I need to get back to the clinic. But I also really need my Americano.

When I left Hazel at the office, the phones were ringing off the hook and appointments, not surprisingly, were running 15 minutes behind. I absolutely knew Hazel was in over her head, but I had already skipped lunch, and a coffee break was non-negotiable if I was going to survive the rest of the day.

I spent most of last night tossing and turning. It was Will’s last night in town, so we went out for dinner and a movie. At the end of the night, I said goodbye and gave him a hug, but that was where it stopped. When I closed my apartment door, I was frustrated at how relieved I was. When I first met Will, I was pretty sure that I wanted a one-night stand with him—okay, maybe a four-night stand— but in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

There were plenty of opportunities, but every time Will made a move, I could feel my body shutting down. In the moment, I couldn’t explain it, but last night as I lay in bed alone staringup at the ceiling, it clicked into place. Will is missing the tattoos that are inked on Tucker’s arms. He’s missing the playful smirk that spreads across Tuck’s face when he’s teasing me. And Will definitely doesn’t turn me into a quivering, crumbling mess like Tucker does every time I notice him watching me. And that’s a problem. A huge one.

I’ve never been able to understand what happened with Tucker and I after we kissed all those years ago. I was pretty sure I loved him back then. So much so, I would have done anything to be with him. That night, I had gone to bed feeling a high that set my soul ablaze. I replayed the kiss over and over in my mind, remembering the look in his eyes and how it made me feel. I was sure he liked it as much as I did. Ifeltit. At least, I thought I did. But what a stupid girl I was. The next day Tucker told me it was a mistake, said that we were friends and nothing more. He didn’t want me. It felt like a curse, knowing what it felt like to have his hands on me, his mouth, then to be told I could never feel that way again. I was crushed for a very long time. I’m not sure I ever got over the sting of his rejection.

I built that kiss into something that it wasn’t, and all these years later, I continue to allow him to take up way too much space in my mind.

Somewhere around 1 a.m., I decided it had to end. I would stuff every salacious thought I’ve ever had about Tucker into the darkest, deepest trenches of my brain. To do that, I need space. No more private chats at parties, no more Sunday dinners with him and his family. I’m on a Tucker Collins detox until I know without a doubt that I can be in the same room as him and not be turned on by his charm.

But first, coffee. A lot of it. I inch forward in line, trying not to think about the chaos that is probably unfolding at the clinic right now. The door opens behind me, and I turn to see—

You havegotto be kidding me.

Tucker.

The universe has a really awful sense of humor sometimes.Damn it, I mumble under my breath.

---