Page 69 of My Favorite Sin

Fuck, it was the most incredible moment I’ve ever experienced.

Also, the most irresponsible moment. I always wrap it up with girls. With Ally—the girl I should have been most cautious to use a condom with—I wasn’t thinking, too caught up in the moment. Too fucking obsessed with finally having her after all these years.

“We didn’t use a condom last night.”

My words are calm despite the foolishness of my actions. She’s calm too, and I have to wonder why. Ally isthe kind of girl I imagine to be meticulous about birth control, especially given the public disgrace that would come with getting pregnant by me. I think back to the way she begged me to come inside her last night. Perhaps she’s on her own form of birth control and there’s no issue at all.

Ally’s humming stops. She zips up her bag, smiling to herself. “I know.”

That’s it? That’s her answer?

“Are you on birth control?” I ask.

“No.” She finally looks up at me, still at ease, her gaze focusing on the cards in my hands. “I’m not worried. I should have mentioned this sooner, but my period is due in three days. It’s like clockwork every month.”

“Not a great birth control method.”

She shrugs, her soft smile never fading. “I know how a female’s cycle works. We gave ourselves one night together. I didn’t want any barriers.”

“Neither did I,” I speak quietly.

She mistakes my tone as something negative, and joins me by my bed, straddling my lap and kissing me softly. I place the deck of cards in my pocket and hold her close.

“You’re freaking out that I’m pregnant.”

The complete opposite. Of course, I don’t want Ally to be pregnant, but if she is, some part of me thinks it wouldn’t be such a disaster. It would cause a shit show with our family. The media would go wild and Forever Families’ reputation would be severely damaged. But I’d find some way to keep her. Make her mine. She’d be tethered to me for life.

“I’m not freaking out.” I return her kiss. “Just tell me as soon as your period arrives.”

“I will.” Her forehead rests against mine and she sighs heavily. With that one sigh, I sense her mood shift and allthe happiness we shared last night draining from her. “I should go.”

“Ally, we can find a way to make this work. You’re afraid to go public, I get it. We can keep this a secret?—”

“We’ve spoken about this. Sooner or later, it won’t be a secret. Please don’t ruin how amazing last night was.”

I close my eyes, clinging to her for our last moments, realizing I’ve gone about everything wrong. Since Ally’s return from Paris, I’ve been fighting for her, for us, every step of the way. We’ve made progress. She’s learned to indulge in what she wants and not feel ashamed of it. Yet at the core, she’s still the same timid girl who lives her life by the rulebook to please everyone else. Ally wants us, she’s just not ready, and there’s nothing I can do to convince her that we should be together. She needs to come to this decision in her own time and way.

Ally rises from my lap and grabs her overnight bag. I walk her to my front door, hating every second that is slipping away from us. How can I experience such an extreme high one second, to now this, where I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest.

Before Ally reaches for the handle, she turns to me with her gaze on the ground. “I think we should spend some time apart to make this easier on ourselves.”

Her suggestion only intensifies the ache within me. I lift Ally’s chin, holding her gaze so she can see how serious these next words out of my mouth are. “You’re it for me, Ally. There’s no one else and there never will be. You’ll be back. I don’t know when. It could be days. Months. Years. But you’ll be back, and I’ll be here waiting for you. Go do what you need to. I won’t hold it against you. I’ve waited this long for you. I can wait longer.”

I retrieve the deck of cards from my pocket, siftingthrough them until I find the Queen of Hearts with Ally’s handwriting on it.You’ll always be my person.

“You gave this back to me when you left for Paris, but it belongs to you. You’ll always be my person, Ally. No matter what. My Queen of Hearts.”

She takes it from me and nods, her bottom lip trembling and a stray tear falling down her cheek as she gazes at the card then back up at me. “I shouldn’t say this, but I love you. I never stopped.”

“I know. I never stopped loving you either.” I press my lips to hers, trying to live in this moment forever as I hold her tight in my arms. Her kisses are desperate, mixed with soft whimpers. I could take her again, right here against the door. Ally knows it and I can feel she wants it as badly as I do.

But she has more self-restraint than I do and pulls back from the kiss, her chin trembling as she speaks her last words to me. “Please don’t wait for me. You deserve more than I can give you.”

She disappears out the door and everything is suddenly so quiet. So empty and lifeless. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m hollow.

Not even a minute after I’ve closed the door, my phone rings. Hope ignites within me that Ally is calling to tell me she needs more than one night of being my girlfriend. I race to grab my phone from my pocket, all hope vanishing when I see Amabella’s name on the screen.

The second I answer the phone, Amabella’s panicked voice erupts. “Dan, please tell me Ally is all right. It’s everywhere in the news that she got stabbed last night. I haven’t been able to get ahold of her.”

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