Page 52 of My Favorite Sin

He chuckles, and I feel like a bit of an idiot for my response. But most of all, a terrible person.

The truth dawns on me in this moment, one I don’t want to admit, but there’s no escaping it: Liam doesn’t turn me on because there’s nothing wrong about us being together.

Dan was right. No one can give me what he does. I was confused as to why he’d been so willing to let me go on this date. Now it makes sense. This was his plan all along, knowing I’d come to this realization about us. He manipulated me again, and yet I can’t bring myself to be mad.

Dan is the one person who makes me feel alive and this date reinstates how much I want him. Just him. I’m tired of being ruled by shame over something that feels so good. I’m tired of running and I can’t do it anymore.

CHAPTER TWENTY

ALLY

A flurry of cameras flash as my photo is taken. I stand from the piano and soak up the praise, loving the high that fills me every time I perform. Guests are scattered through the garden in tuxedos and gowns, all applauding me. The night has a whimsical feeling, like we’re in a scene from a fairytale. The garden is lit up with string lights draped from trees and floating lanterns in the fountains.

My mother has always taken great pride in the beach house and its land. There are several gardens within the property that she hires full time staff to maintain year-round. Tonight, she’s hosting in what she calls her French Provincial Garden. The design was inspired from a visit to Versailles on her honeymoon with Josh. It’s constructed of low hedges planted in symmetrical patterns, along with water fountains and statues.

To the right of this garden, a tall hedge maze looms over the guests. It’s been here since before Mom met Josh. She’s never liked the maze and often talks about demolishing it, but Felix, for some reason, has always insisted it remains. Dan knows its layout like the back of his hand.The few times I’ve entered the maze, I found it eerie and lost my way, and have since made it a habit to stay clear of.

My applause fades. The hum of voices grows louder as the benefit carries on, now with a string quartet playing background music.

“Incredible performance.”

I turn to the sound of Violet’s voice, finding her with Principal Sinclair. I didn’t know my boss had been invited. They both greet me with a smile, though the principal’s is less welcoming. From the desperate look in Violet’s eyes, I’ll take a guess that she’s been stuck socializing with Principal Sinclair longer than comfortable and has come to me for an escape.

“Beautifully played, Alexandra. Mozart is perhaps the most incredible composer to have ever lived.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” I smile, pleased that for once I’m having a conversation with my boss that isn’t about curriculum and where I don’t feel like a student myself. “HisRondo Alla Turcais what made me fall in love with classical music.”

“Ah, yes, hisTurkish March. An incredible piece of music history. Alexandra, this evening is delightful. I’m pleased to see the fine image you and your family are bringing to Sacred Heart. Enjoy the rest of your night.”

Violet pulls a cringy face and laughs as soon as the principal leaves us. “Glad she’s gone. I was stuck in conversation with her for ten minutes and it was dry as anything. So, no Liam tonight? I was hoping to meet this guy.”

“I invited him but he’s seeing someone else tonight.”

Her eyebrows lift, creasing her forehead. “You’re okay with that?”

“I’m fine.” I shrug, not wanting to talk aboutLiam or even think about him after the awkward sexual encounter last night.

He asked the same question. It seems as though I’m supposed to be upset about his dating habits.

“Hey.” Something else comes to mind, an important question I’ve been meaning to ask Violet. Nerves get the best of me, and I stutter through the question. “Have you g-got plans for this upcoming five-day weekend?”

Violet and I have grown friendlier over the last few weeks with work interactions, our morning jogs with Killian, and the occasional times she helped me pick outfits for my dates, but I’ve never asked her something of this magnitude, and I keep thinking she’ll laugh in my face. It’s an irrational fear, I try to convince myself. She’s nice. I’ve had so many bad experiences with girls in the past, but I’m pushing myself to attempt more of a friendship between us.

“No plans except catching up on sleep,” she says. “You want to do something together?”

“Yeah, if you’re interested. My uncle bought ballet tickets for him and his fiancée, but they can’t attend anymore due to work commitments. They offered them to me for this Thursday night. It’s a New York City Ballet production ofSleeping Beauty. Would you like to come with me? I know you used to dance with that ballet company, so I understand if you’d rather not attend.”

Violet’s face lights up. “That sounds like so much fun. I’d love to go to the ballet with you.”

I sigh a breath of relief. “Great. It’s showing in the city. I’m staying at my uncle’s place for the long weekend. He owns this incredible penthouse on the Upper East Side. I’m sure you’d be welcome to stay the night.”

“Oh, fun. I love that.”

My attention catches in the distance behind Violet, andI barely hear her response, surprised by the sight of Dan. I can’t help but smile, my chest suddenly warm, wondering if he came tonight for me.

He looks so sleek and handsome in his tuxedo. His dark hair is slicked back and he’s holding a flute glass, grinning and talking to someone. I want to pull him aside to a private area in the garden and tell him he’s right about everything, that no one has what we do, I won’t find anything close, and that I’m tired of being ashamed of myself for the way I feel about him.

The smile drops from my face when I realize the person he’s talking to is a woman. She’s a brunette in a short, black dress. Dan told me not to doubt his attraction to me, but I can’t help this ugly feeling that’s creeping up my throat. Women are always so eager to drop their panties for Dan and I hate witnessing it even if there’s no sexual intention on his behalf.

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