Page 51 of My Favorite Sin

“I should let you know I’ve never… slept with a guy.”

His grinding stops. “Fuck, that’s hot.”

Whoever knew my virginity was such a turn on for men. Here I am, trying to get rid of it like it’s the plague.

“Let’s slow down,” Liam says. “I don’t want to rush into anything. Sex too soon can ruin something good. I think we could have something good, Ally.”

“So do I.”

“All I want to do tonight is please you, if you’ll let me. Can I take your panties off?”

I nod, my throat tight, realizing I’m actually about to do this with someone other than Dan. It’s what I want, but… this feels a little confronting now that the opportunity is here. New and unknown. Dan always instructs me and gives commands. It’s what gives me confidence and turns me on. I know it’s a little fucked up but I like how he doesn’t ask for permission. He knows what I want. He pushes my limits and I get off on doing anything he asks.

With Liam, I’m unsure how I should be acting. His style is different to Dan’s. I wouldn’t have the confidence to doany of those dirty things in front of Liam even if he instructed me like Dan does.

“What kind of… sex are you into?” I ask between kisses, my voice thin.

“Uh… normal sex.”

I tell myself that’s a good thing. I need normality. The things Dan and I do are unhealthy, even if they excite me to no end.

Liam’s fingers slip beneath my dress and hook into the hem of my panties. He guides them down my legs and drops them to the floor. I’m on display and it feels… procedural. The silence in this apartment is suddenly deafening and my thoughts are too loud.

I hear things in movies and TV shows, that it’s awkward when two people first get together and are learning each other’s bodies. But I thought… I don’t know what I thought—that I’d be more responsive to Liam’s touch.

His fingers glide over the slickness between my thighs, and I shiver from the contact, the feeling not entirely pleasurable. Nerves flood me, making my body seize up.

Liam kisses my lips again while slipping his fingers inside me just as Dan did earlier in the day. But the pleasure isn’t there. It feels like a medical examination, with awkward poking and prodding, and not because Liam is doing anything wrong. He’s kissing me the same way he has all night, and yet his face suddenly feels too close to mine and his lips are smothering.

Maybe I need to warm up to Liam’s touch.

I didn’t need to warm up to Dan’s touch.

Panic hits me, that I won’t adjust to Liam’s fingers and I’ll have to pretend like I’m enjoying myself. Even fake an orgasm. It’s wrong to pretend, but the alternative is asking Liam to stop, and that would be the most awkwardmoment of my life. It would bruise his ego and damage any chances of us moving forward in a relationship.

I want to enjoy his touch. This is what I’ve wanted for so long, to be intimate with a guy. Anormalguy who is suited to me.

No one has what we have.

An unexpected ripple of pleasure spreads through me when Dan’s words repeat in my mind, making me quiver. A proud grunt leaves Liam’s mouth as he kisses the base of my neck. I try to be present with Liam, but Dan enters my mind again. It’s the same issue I faced during our date at the jazz club, unable to stop thinking about Dan, despite wanting to focus on Liam.

My brows pinch with frustration. I feel like I’ve been jinxed. The more I try to focus on Liam, the more memories I have of Dan at the outdoor shower, pinning me against the wall and fucking me with his hand.

A moan slips from my mouth.

Shit. I’m a bad person. I’ve found a guy I like and I’m self-sabotaging. But the thought of Dan builds an ache low in my tummy, tightening my muscles, and I realize this is the only way I’m going to escape this situation without faking it. I need to get this over with quickly. Liam will be none the wiser. No harm done.

I grind against Liam’s hand, chasing my peak. He says something to me, encouragement, I think, but I’m too consumed with thoughts of Dan fingering me at the outdoor shower to hear. The memory of Dan’s commanding voice sends me closer to the edge. The sordid memory brings on another wave of bliss, making me cry out.

I keep bucking my hips, growing closer and closer. So many fantasies run through my mind. Dan being here withme right now andhimbeing the one fingering me. Dan fucking me. Dan cominginsideme.

That last fantasy is the one that tips me over the edge and sends me into a spasming mess. My ass lifts off the couch and I’m bursting at the seams with my release.

Once the orgasm is over, Liam’s kisses on my neck bring me back to the moment and the reality of what I’ve done—thinking about Dan while being with another guy. Guilt replaces all pleasure.

“You are so fucking hot when you come, Ally.”

“Um… thank you.”

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