Page 44 of My Favorite Sin

“How many months until the wedding?” I strip down to my bikini and step into the water, feeling the heat of Dan’s eyes from where he sits with Felix and Killian across the pool.

When I don’t receive an immediate answer from Daxton and Jordan, I realize I’ve interrupted an intimate moment. The water skews visibility, but I can see Daxton has Jordan’s legs wrapped around his waist. He whispers something against her lips, the two of them laughing through kisses. Everyone has relocated to the pool area after lunch, dressed in swimwear, though the three of us are the only ones currently in the water.

“Just under four months,” Daxton says, ending the kiss and swimming closer to me with Jordan still in his arms. “We’ll fly the wedding party to California a few days earlier, so make sure you get time off work.”

“Sure. No problem.” The wedding will be held at Daxton’s family vineyard where he grew up. I’ve spent a bit of time there as a kid. It will be nice to return.

“Oh, before I forget,” Jordan says to me. “We need to organize a time to get your bridesmaid dress fitted.”

“Sacred Heart has this massive five-day weekend starting Wednesday night. Some religious holiday. Can we find some time over the weekend?”

“Sounds great.”

“So, kid, how’s the new job treating you?” Daxton asks.

“It’s a big adjustment.” I plunge into the water, fully submerged, and push my hair back from my face as I resurface. The water is borderline too cold, being the first week of October. If I’m being honest, I’m only swimming today because I want Dan to see me in my bikini.

As for my answer to Daxton’s question about my job, I don’t have much more to add. Nothing positive, at least. The staff stress me out. Appearance wise, it still feels like I could pass as one of the students and none of the staff take me seriously for that reason. I barely have time to practice the piano anymore. I’m always staying late due to meetings or to complete administrative tasks. It’s not enjoyable at all. But I suppose a job isn’t intended to be enjoyable. Thank God there haven’t been any more mentions of my name in the media since the start of term when I allegedly walked into a strip club.

The one benefit of working at Sacred Heart is that it’s brought me closer to Killian and I’m forming somewhat of a friendship with Violet. I suppose my students are nice too.

“You don’t enjoy teaching?” Daxton asks, always perceptive.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Juilliard is waiting for you, kid.”

“No, it’s not,” I mutter with a sense of melancholy dampening my mood.

He gets the hint, dropping the subject. “I’ve been practicing my piano scales in preparation for your return from Paris.”

Finally, a topic of conversation I don’t feel the need to brush off. I splash him with water. “You seriously think you can beat me?”

“The competition takes place this afternoon.”

“Okay, you’re on.” We shake hands, laughing.

Jordan releases herself from Daxton’s arms. “I’m getting pruney fingers from the water. You two stay talking. I’m going to lay in the sun for a bit.”

“My skin is heading the same way,” Daxton says. “I’ll join you.”

“Oh, hey, one last thing,” Jordan says to me. “Your birthday is coming up soon. The big twenty-one. How are we celebrating?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure. I haven’t had a chance to think about it.”

The question makes me feel kind of bad. Dan’s birthday is before mine—Sunday, one week from now. Yet no one ever mentions it because it’s the same date as his mother’s death. We’d all like to celebrate his birthday but Dan is the one who set the precedent many years ago that everyone ignore the day.

Dan and I rarely speak about the loss of his mom and my dad anymore, but it was a big bonding point between us when first meeting. I know the guilt of her death still gets to him, even after all these years. He blames himself for his brothers growing up without their mom. Josh lost his wife and Dan always felt resented by him throughout his childhood.

Perhaps Josh did struggle with resentment. I don’t know. The two men have a complicated history I’m not a part of. But the Josh I know today doesn’t harbor those feelings toward Dan. He wants a relationship with Dan and tocelebrate his birthday. The two of them just don’t know how to communicate.

As for Dan’s brothers, Felix told me they were all too young to remember much of their mother and don’t blame him for her death. Nothing anyone says changes Dan’s mind. He insists on spending the day alone every year and without a singlehappy birthdayor present from anyone.

I’ve learned to respect his wishes, but it never stops feeling strange to ignore his birthday, more so this year than others, considering we’ll be celebrating such a significant birthday of mine.

“I’ll talk to your mom and see what we can organize for your twenty-first,” Jordan says, stepping out of the water with Daxton right behind her.

Alone in the pool, I dip my head back beneath the surface and stay down here for a long moment, holding my breath and ruminating on the birthday situation. When I’m out of breath, I pop back up in time to see Dan dive into the water.

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