After we’ve eaten, we spend the rest of the evening together in the living room, playing board games and laughing, and it feels nice, like we’re a real family. Dan texted me earlier in the day telling me he’d be here tonight, but when I still haven’t heard from him at ten p.m., I decide to call it a night and go to bed.
The guest bedroom Josh has given me is upstairs and next to where he and my mom are sleeping. Mom won’t say it out loud, but I know she’s keeping me close by in case I have a panic attack in the middle of the night.
We’ve narrowed the cause of these panic attacks down to me feeling trapped in uncomfortable social situations that I can’t remove myself from. The episodes happen a lot at school. Medication is the only thing that helps. When I was younger,on the rare chance I was ever invited to a sleepover, the attacks happened there, too. It was embarrassing, having the girls at school witness me like that, then needing my mom to pick me up.
I’ve learned to control my environment by accepting fewer social invitations. Now, I never get invited anywhere. It’s helped the anxiety but has brought on loneliness and an inability to feel normal. I’m sure it only encouraged the bullying. It’s a vicious cycle I can’t break.
But I’ve reassured Mom I want to be at Josh’s beach house, and it’s the truth. It feels like home here, with two loving parents, and I drift to sleep instantly.
The hour is still dark when I wake to a repeatedclinkingsound. I rub my eyes, my phone telling me it’s one in the morning. I also have a bunch of missed calls and texts from Dan.
The sound continues, coming from the window in my room. A pebble hits the glass. I open the window, finding Dan in the garden beneath my room.
“Finally.” He grins up at me with a black hoodie pulled over his head, his voice not too loud, like he doesn’t want to risk waking our parents. “The house is locked and I don’t have keys. I’ve been throwing rocks at all the guest bedrooms, trying to find where you’re sleeping. Let’s go for a walk on the beach.”
“Right now?” I call back, matching his hushed volume.
“Yeah. Why not?”
I look back at my bedroom door, knowing my mom wouldn’t approve of me leaving the house at this hour, especially being in a new location and with my history of panic attacks. I’m about to suggest Dan comes inside and we talk in the living room, but a flicker of excitement stirs in my chest at the thought of sneaking out and being truly alone with Dan. I’ve never snuck out before. I’ve neverhadanyone to sneak out with. I’ve neverdone anything my mother wouldn’t approve of, nor have I had the urge to.
But that grin on Dan’s face makes me want to do something wrong for once.
“Okay. Let’s go to the beach.” The words feel electrifying leaving my mouth. I scope the trellis, not wanting to risk waking Mom and Josh if I sneak out the door. “You think I can climb out the window?”
“Yeah. I’ll spot you.”
My muscles tighten with adrenaline as I hoist myself over the windowsill and cling to the trellis. A cool breeze rolls in from the beach, ruffling my hair and caressing the bare skin on my legs, making me realize I didn’t think through this plan at all. I’m not wearing any shoes, my sleep shorts hardly cover my ass, and I don’t have a bra beneath this baggy shirt. As an A cup, it’s not like I’m in need of much support, but I don’t want Dan seeing the points of my nipples.
Too late now. This feeling of excitement that Dan awakens within me is too addictive and I’m not climbing back inside. Taking care with my footing, I descend slowly, making sure not to trample the flowers growing on this trellis. Halfway down, a yelp escapes me as I step on a weak part of wood and the trellis crumbles beneath my feet, leaving me scrambling and clinging to the wall.
“Oh, shit. Are you okay?” Dan whisper-yells.
My feet dig into a crevice on the side of the house, securing my safety, and I let out a much needed breath of relief. A light switches on from within Mom and Josh’s bedroom. My stomach twists, knowing if they peer outside, I’ll be caught and have a lot of explaining to do. She’ll put two and two together, realizing I have a crush on her boyfriend’s son, because why else would I sneak out to be with a guy?
I hear my mother’s voice, though her words aren’t clear. All I know is I need to find a way out of this situation and fast. But when I look down, realizing my climbing path to the ground is gone, I have no clue what to do.
“Jump. I’ll catch you.”
I peer over my shoulder at Dan. “You can’t be serious. It’s a long way.”
My mother’s silhouette appears right on the other side of the curtain, making my pulse thunder in my ears. Time is running out. Any moment now, she’ll open the curtains and catch me red-handed. Jumping is my best option, but fear holds me in place.
“It’s not that far,” Dan says. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes, but I’m still scared to jump the distance. What if I’m too heavy and you drop me?”
“Not going to happen. You’re tiny.”
“But—”
“Ally, get on the fucking ground already so I can hug you.”
My pulse kicks into overdrive, having nothing to do with fear this time. My heart squeezes at the playful way Dan scolds me and how he wants to hug me. Jumping is worth it, just for that hug.
“Okay. Three, two, one.” I let go, my stomach vanishing as I fall through the air.
Strong arms catch me, one beneath my legs, the other at my back, cradling me to his chest. Above us, the window opens. Dan rushes us out of sight, around the corner of the house, saving us just in time from being caught.