Page 35 of My Favorite Girl

Tomorrow, things will be back to normal between us. We’ll go about our day without addressing the events of tonight. It will be agony. I don’t know how I’m meant to carry on living my life without…fuckingAlly. Every single day. I need to be inside Ally and feel her come on my cock. I want to come inside her and be the only one who ever does. I want her to…loveme, because I’m so madly in love with her.

There has to be some way we can be together, even if it’s only in private. We’ve kept this attraction between us a secret for so long. Surely we can make something work.

In the morning, I’ll tell her how I feel—that this isn’t just about sex for me and I’m in love with her. I’m beyond caring about what’s right or wrong, I just need her to be mine.

Chapter 17

Ally

The morning after, Saturday, June 2

The kiss

I wake in the morning, alone in Dan’s bed. The dreamy haze from last night has worn off and my body is tender from my performance with that toy. Memories of the shower flash into my mind, and I’m flooded with embarrassment over how exposed and…nastyI got. I had no shame in that shower.

I sure as hell have shame right now. Not only was I acting like the star in a porno, but I enjoyed every second of it. The orgasm was the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced and it’s all because I knew what Dan and I were doing was wrong. I got off on him watching me and the way he praised me, telling me I’m a good girl. I liked the power he had and that he was controlling the toy.

It’s not just last night that’s the issue. It’s this obsession I have with him that makes me act differently—leaving the bathroom door open while I shower and hoping he’ll watch me;when I’m alone in my bedroom touching myself, I moan a little louder so he can hear what I’m doing.

I don’t recognize myself anymore. I don’t know why I do the things I do. They feel good in the moment. They make me feel alive and powerful to be lusted after. Being the center of Dan’s attention is intoxicating, and I keep pushing the boundaries, chasing the high it gives me.

I end up hating myself afterward, promising myself I’ll never do it again. That this obsession with him will stop. That I won’t crawl into his bed again. I won’t finger myself to the thought of him. I won’t leave the bathroom door open and let him watch the shower head give me an orgasm.

But it always happens again.

I’m an addict. A sex fiend. I feel dirty. If my mother and Josh ever found out about the things I do with Dan, I swear I would die. They see me as their sweet little daughter.

That’s the girl I should be. As a Blackwood, I’m supposed to be a role model for Forever Families and display to the public how unified our blended family is.

Needing to shake this dirty feeling off, I return to my bedroom, dressing for the day. When I enter the living room, Mom and Josh are having their breakfast on the couch while discussing our upcoming departure for summer in The Hamptons. It’s early June and we’re traveling there in a week.

They say good morning to me without glancing my way, asking how I slept. My eyes snag on Dan in an armchair, shuffling the neon cards I bought him. I glance away, my cheeks blooming with color as I head for the kitchen. I feel his gaze follow me the entire time as I grab bread from the fridge and place it in the toaster.

“What are your plans for today, honey?” Mom asks, reading something on her phone.

“Um… I don’t know.” I can’t think straight with Dan in the same room as me and give some dumb, flustered answer.

Dan laughs softly, like he knows I’m nervous because of him and last night. The next thing I know, he’s right behind me, reaching over me to place his own bread in the toaster. I flinch away, then feel his warm hand on my lower back.

“You okay?” he whispers.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He studies me, his gaze soft. Amused. The left corner of his mouth lifts into that half grin I’m in love with. “No reason.”

His hand on my lower back readjusts, slipping beneath my shirt and resting on my bare skin. I stiffen, my eyes whipping to our parents, realizing they’re none the wiser. Regardless, that hand shouldnotbe there while we’re in the same room as our parents. Or ever. I step away, reaching for the peanut butter.

“Oh, Ally, before I forget.” Josh holds up a large envelope. “This arrived in the mail for you. It’s from the Paris Conservatoire.”

My interest sparks. It’s probably a pamphlet. I signed up for the Conservatoire’s mailing list a few months back. But I’m keen to read whatever is inside.

My toast pops. I spread the peanut butter, grab the envelope off Josh, and disappear into my room, eager to get away from Dan. Less than a minute later, I’m sitting on my bed and eating my breakfast when Dan enters my room, closing the door behind himself.

“Since when do you eat breakfast in your room?” he asks, mildly amused.

I shrug, not meeting his eyes. “Since today.”

His voice loses the smug tone and is replaced with concern. “Was last night too much?”

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