Page 20 of My Favorite Girl

I reach up on my toes, shouting into Dan’s ear to be heard over the music, giving him the first excuse for escape I can think of. “I’m going to find Killian.”

I manage one step away from Dan before his arm slinks around my waist and he pulls me back to his side. “Killian is probably off with a girl. Stay here.” His arm drops from my side, and he speaks to the girls again. “Ally is an incredible musician.”

His conversation starter only heightens my discomfort. Dan is trying to include me, and it makes me feel even more pathetic that he has to handhold me in social situations. The girls look at me with disinterest. Clearly none of them want to be talking about me or to me. They only do it to please Dan.

“What kind of musician?” a redhead asks me, her voice bland and not carrying any of the enthusiasm it possessed a moment ago when flirting with Dan.

“Piano,” I answer, barely loud enough.

I should say something else. A normal person would elaborate and lead this conversation into something deeper. But I can’t speak, no matter how hard I try to force myself. My mind is a clutter of panic and embarrassment. My throat clenches and heat prickles in my eyes like I’m about to cry. What the hell is wrong with me? Icannotbe about to cry, and the fact that I am only makes everything worse. Can they all tell there are tears in my eyes? They must think I’m weird. Which, I am. This inability to socialize is not normal.

“I need to use the bathroom,” I blurt out, seeking another escape.

“I’ll take you,” Dan says.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be back in a second.”

“I don’t want you going off on your own. It could be hard to find each other again.”

The redhead winks at him. “I’ll take her. I need to go too. Stay and chat with everyone.”

I don’t know if the girl thinks she’s doing her friends a favor, taking one for the team by getting me away from Dan, but I’ll go along with her plan if it means Dan doesn’t see me break down.

“Thanks, but I’ll take Ally,” Dan insists.

My God, he won’t give up. Needing to get away from him, I find it within me to smile and laugh at him. “Seriously, have fun with your friends. I’ll be right back.”

Dan watches me with concern, his brows drawn together, but I guess my laugh was convincing enough because he doesn’t follow me and the redhead through the crowd.

As soon as I break free from Dan, my resolve crumbles and tears stream down my cheeks as I follow the girl into the house. She doesn’t notice me crying. She’s talking about something, but I can’t hear anything other than the thumping of my pulse in my ears and the loud music. I’m burning up and need to get somewhere private where no one can see me.

We climb a flight of stairs, arriving at a corridor with fewer people in sight. “The line for this bathroom should be much shorter than the one downstairs,” the girl says to me.

I wipe my face dry before she turns around and sees me crying, but I know I’ve failed to hide my emotions when she stares at my eyes.

“Shit. Are you okay?” she asks.

“Um, yeah.” My chin trembles with my answer. Panicking, I spot an empty bedroom nearby and rush inside, locking the door behind me. It’s dark in here and I’m in such a flustered state that I can’t find the light switch. But being alone is all that matters.

The girl calls out from the other side of the door, trying the handle. “Hey, let me in.”

“I’m fine. I just want a moment to be alone.”

She doesn’t say anything else. Her shadow disappears from beneath the doorway, and I collapse onto the edge of the bed, bracing my head between my knees and crying uncontrollably.

I don’t know how much time passes, all that registers is panic, that I’m trapped at this party. I can’t call my parents for help. Mom would freak out, that the one time she let me attend a party, placing trust in Dan and Killian to look out for me, I wind up having a panic attack. The boys would no doubt get a stern speaking to from Josh, when none of this is their fault.

I can’t call for Dan. I’ll die if he sees me like this. We’ve known each other for a little over a year now, and while I’ve been honest about my difficulties in new social situations, he’s never witnessed one of my panic attacks. He thinks I’m this amazing girl, and I can’t bear the thought of that changing.

Killian is my only option for help, if he answers his phone. He’s probably off with a girl, like Dan said, and will be too distracted to take my call.

“She went in there.” I hear the redhead’s voice beyond the door, followed by Dan thanking her. A new wave of tears falls down my cheeks and my breathing grows more frenzied.

“Ally?” Dan calls to me, knocking on the door. I try to speak with a normal voice, but my throat is too tight and nothing leaves my mouth. “I know you’re in there. Let me in.”

The next thing I know, there’s a rattling sound coming from the door handle. The lock is being picked. Light streams in as the door opens and I look up, my vision blurred from crying, but I can see enough to know how concerned Dan is.

He shuts the door, blocking out the party, and rushes to my side, kneeling in front of me. Dan strokes my hair back from my face, his eyes searching mine. “Shit. You’re having a panic attack,aren’t you?” He reaches for my purse, searching through it. “Do you have your medication with you?”

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