Page 74 of It's Always Us

After a minute, Mark rolls on his side to face me. “Tell me what’s going on up here.” He taps my temple. “You got pretty quiet downstairs.”

The past couple of days, when it was just Mark and me, the real world felt far away. Being back home, the reality of our situation is roaring to life again.

Hmmm. There are so many things. Where would I even start? There’s the fun of sharing the good news with my mom, which will suck the life out of me. Or not knowing how my guys, my best friends, will react. I have to face Slade and the fact that he’s probably about to blow his lid since I’ve been ignoring him. The recent confirmation that Grandpa won’t let me on the floor.AndI only have two more days with Mark, and then we’ll be back to being apart.

If that’s not enough, there’s also the little thing of having him here that calls up the secrets I still hold, and the weight of them is growing enormously heavy.

Mark moves closer, his arm curling around my middle. “Lex, tell me. I know your brain is in overdrive.”

I take another second to figure out where to begin. “When it’s just you and me, it feels like everything is going to be ok. Coming back . . . all the unknown is smacking me in the face. I need to tell my mom, and I know how that will go. The stuff with the shop. You heard Grandpa. I’ll be sitting behind a desk tagging keys.”

“Babe, one thing at a time. You don’t have to figure this all out by yourself anymore.”

I turn toward him, resting on my side. “Mark, you’re leaving.” I grip his shirt, needing to ground my racing mind.

He tips my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “Come with me. When I start negotiating, we’ll see what the options are and decide together. If you can’t work anyway . . . ”

I close my eyes as the desire to run away with him and the fear of doing that war within me. “Mark.” My voice sounds as small as I feel. “This is where my life is. The thought of leaving . . . it’s terrifying.”

His strong arm hooks around me and tugs me closer, my body pressed to his. “I know, but I’ll be there. We’ll figure out how to navigate things together. I don’t want you to be afraid to be with me.”

“I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you, but I’m not made to sit around waiting for you to come home. These past few months, you were busy every moment.”

He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s not like that in the offseason, and I’m talking to my agent about cutting back as contracts expire.”

“Ok, but . . . ” I hold my breath, taking a second to shuffle through my pile of insecurities and pick one.Screw it.I need to quit being a coward.

“It’s not only that. Mark, it’s the rest of the world. Your world. The one that doesn’t understand me or my limitations. I’ve seen players’ wives and girlfriends. They’re ridiculously beautiful, poised, and professional. Your world is big, bright, and loud; those women handle it all gracefully. I’m none of those things.”

I pause, forcing myself to be brave and let go of everything that’s had a chokehold on me since I stepped out of the hotel in Vegas. “You’re the best quarterback in the NFL. I’m just a girl covered in grease who works with men who burp and fart like it’s what they get paid to do. People look down on me for what I do, and that’s before they realize I’m practically illiterate.”

The Ford dually stalled on my chest, finally turns over and drives off.

When he doesn’t say anything, I risk a peek at him. His black brows are tipped in slightly, his eyes roaming my face with such fierceness I almost have to look away.

“Lex . . . ” His nickname for me comes out like it’s challenging to remain calm, and I pull back a little. His hand wraps around my waist, holding me there.

“Lex,youare my wife. I wantyouby my side wherever I am. All the time.” He pauses, making sure I’m listening. “When it’s bright and loud . . . when those blowhards who think they know you want to make assumptions, you hold on to me. I’ll handle them and the noise.” His hand slides up my back, pulling me close again. “They don’t mean anything.”

I stare into his big, brown eyes. So earnest and good, and I don’t deserve any of it. I tuck myself into him, resting my forehead against his chest, where it’s safe, and give him the rest of it.

“I’m scared. Everything is happening so fast, and I feel . . . lost,” I whisper. “I don’t think I can do this without you.”

His lips press against the top of my head, his arms fully surrounding me. “You’re not going to. We just need some time to sort it all out.”

I want to believe him and time is all we need, but I’m growing a beautiful little time bomb that will blast right into our world regardless of where we’re at.

We lie twined together, and my eyes get heavy.

I push up. “I need a shower.”

He yawns, grabbing his phone.

I pull shorts and a shirt from my dresser and shower while Mark scrolls his phone. When I open the bathroom door, he’s sitting in the same spot, shirtless, fisting a tattered and worn gray shirt.

“What’s this?” He holds it out, his eyes a little red.

I stand perfectly still, knowing he knows exactly what it is.

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