Page 60 of It's Always Us

I step out of my room and close the door behind me, needing just a freaking minute. I’m in shock and awe and . . .Holy shit!!

I have no idea what to do or think other than try to calm the hell down. I run my shaky hand through my hair and leave it there, trying to slow my racing mind.

I lean against the wall, taking in air, and all I see is Lex’s stomach. The bulge where there used to be none. I push out a slow breath of complete astonished disbelief.

I need to get it together more than ever before. I need a plan and quick because there’s no way in hell I’m losing them—the two most important things that have ever happened to me.

On a mission, I return to a quiet, clean kitchen. Shane and Sean are sitting on the couch like two vultures eyeing their prey. I take a seat across from them in a chair, my mind reeling with questions I have no answers to.

“Anything you want to tell us?” Shane’s low grumble irritates my nerves, standing at attention and waiting for orders.

“Not today.” My mouth doesn’t know whether to grin like the Cheshire Cat or let out a long string of ‘fucks.’

Two pairs of eyebrows raise in my direction, but I don’t give a shit. The only thing I care about is figuring out how not to lose my wife and baby.My baby.My throat swells with a burning itch at the thought of the tiny life. The one Lex and I created.

I swallow it down quickly, remembering the wardens watching me.

“Anything we can do to help?” Sean’s concerned tone is a punch to the gut.

I shake my head, hoping they can’t see my elation and fear. It’s a messed up duo, and I need the former to sack the shit out of the latter. “Not today. I need time with her.”

They stare for some long moments as if I might throw them a bone, but I’m not budging. Sean stands and slaps my good shoulder while Shane eyes me with suspicion before they exit. My two brothers. They’ll be the first to know I’m going to be a father, but not tonight.

Tonight, I need to go back in there and talk to Lex. I have to convince her that I’m so far in this I can’t see straight without her, but I can’t do that until my brain puts itself back together.

I slouch in the chair.I’m going to be a dad—someone’s father. There’s a real live baby growing inside Lex’s belly, and it’s my child. My baby. I’m going to be a DAD!

I stand, running my hand through my hair, wanting to find the nearest mountain and scream it at the top of my lungs. I want to post on social media. I want to wear one of those ridiculous shirts that says ‘Rad Dad.’

I have so many questions, but right at this very moment, the only thing I need to do is convince my quiet-ass wife that she has to stay with me. I just have no flipping clue how to do that.

Lex is pushing me away. I don’t know what happened back then or what’s happening now, but I have to find out. I have to get this mildly mute woman I love to actually talk to me and tell me what in the hell is going on.

She didn’t show up in Vegas on some kind of whim. She came because she wanted to. She married me for the same reason. She kept herself from me all those years ago, but I won’t let her do that again. I don’t care what I have to do. I’ll fight.

I carry myself back to my room, ready to do whatever is necessary to get to the bottom of this. When I open the door and step inside, Lex is curled up in my bed, sound asleep.

I stare at her, all my anxious determination melting.This. This is all I’ve ever wanted, but now, she’s here, and it’s so much more than I could’ve ever imagined.

Under those covers is a tiny baby. Our baby. I quietly remove my jeans with one hand, then gently slip out of my shirt and replace my arm in thesling. I stack pillows and lie down, careful not to touch or disturb her or my shoulder.

Watching her sleep, my mind soars with possibility, but I try to contain it, knowing the woman next to me has a huge say in what happens next. I just need to make sure that whatever that is, I’m a part of it.

______

I feel quick movement next to me, and I jolt awake to a dark room and the outline of Lex sitting straight up next to me.

“Hey. You ok?” I carefully push up on my good arm, wincing at the burn radiating from my shoulder.

Her long hair brushes against my skin. “Yeah, I didn’t know where I was for a minute.”

She rubs her eyes and lays back down next to me, pulling the covers up, her face to the ceiling. Pain shoots through me, trying to get comfortable again. When I get there, I stare at the outline of her profile.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Her voice is achingly soft.

She’s talking, so I’m keeping my big mouth shut to see what else she might offer.

“I came to tell you about the baby and . . . ”

---