Page 40 of It's Always Us

“How’s your shoulder?” she deflects, and I know she doesn’t want to talk about it, but I’m not standing for it.

“Lex, tell me about the test. What happened? I’m so sorry—”

“Mark, please.” Her soft voice is a jab to my gut. “Can we just . . . ” She pauses, and it’s filled with defeat and disappointment. I remember this part of Lex so well. “How’s your shoulder today?”

I close my eyes, knowing I’m a complete asshole but letting it go for her. I’ve got to do better. She is everything to me, and I’ve not been showing it. I want to punch myself in the face.

“It feels like it’s being mauled by a tiger.” She sighs as if this conversation is taxing, and my frustration with everything rears its red-hot, ugly head. “What’s up, Lex? I need you to tell me. Something. Anything.”

She takes a second before she responds. “I don’t know. Maybe you should tell me. I know you’re busy and have a lot on your plate, but it’s been over a month since Vegas. This trying to date, or whatever you want to pretend it is, isn’t working.”

Her tone is stiff but not biting. She’s telling me straight up, and I can’t even be mad about it.

“Lex, I’m doing the best I can. I think about you all the time. I need to get through these next few weeks—”

“Were you thinking about me when dark hair and long legs had her hands spread across your chest and her boobs pressed against you? Or was that just a stunt to make sure no one thinks those wedding rumors are real?”

I let my head fall back onto my headboard. Here’s to every single stupid decision I’ve made coming back to bite me square in the ass.

“That wasn’t what it might have looked like. Her father owns the Liberties. I didn’t have much of a choice. She showed up on the practice field for a photo shoot.”

“Mark, it doesn’t matter.”

“Like hell it doesn’t, but you don’t want to hear what I have to say.” I’ve hit my limit as the pressure all around me folds in, and I can’t breathe.

There’s silence except for the sound of her engine that’s drowned out by the complete desperation filling my ears.

I try to pull in air, but it’s difficult. “Lex, tell me what’s going on. Tell me what you’re thinking because I can assure you no woman is taking up any of my time or mental space except you.” The pounding of my heart is so loud it’s all I can hear. “There never has been.”

After a few seconds, the engine quiets, and I wonder if she’s home.

“Mark, it’s not the pictures. It’s everything. The reality of all of this is hitting, and I don’t know how we’re supposed to do this. Maybe—”

“Lex, don’t. Please. I need—”

“To get through the season, I know.” Her voice is soft and gentle, but my head might actually explode. “But then what? You don’t even know. It’s like we’re trying to wish this into something it’s never going to be.” Her voice is even softer now. “I just walked away from that. Trying to make a relationship into something it wasn’t.”

“This is not the same. That asshole wanted you to be someone else. He didn’t even know you. All I want is you. Just you.”

“The season will end, and then what? You’ll have surgery, recovery, training . . . My job is here, and I can’t just work anywhere.” Her voice cracks, and I feel like I’ve been punched in the throat. “This isn’t . . . ”

I can’t even speak as something somewhere deep inside me begins to crack. Any more, and I’ll crumble into a thousand pieces.

Her voice cuts through my spiraling panic. “Maybe you should finish the season and—”

“No.” I’ve never been a quitter. I had to fight for my very life more times than I can count, and this feels no different. I didn’t surrender then, and I sure as hell won’t now. “I’m not giving up. Not now, not ever. I won’t be without you again. Ever.”

She sniffs, and her voice is so quiet I barely hear her. “We aren’t together now.”

Smack. I felt it all the way through the phone. There’s nothing but silence as my chest burns with fear.

It takes me a second to come to, and when I do, I’m consumed with rage. Not at Lex, but at the situation. At life and how much time has been wasted, and now, when she might actually be able to be mine, she’s slipping away all over again.

“When this season is over, I’m coming for you. Lex, I love you, only you. We’ll figure this out, and we will be together.”

I hang up, unable to stand to hear her cry or ask any more questions I don’t have the answers to.

I shove the cool ice pack off my shoulder and lay flat on my bed, needing air in my lungs and my body to relax. This can’t happen. I don’t care what I have to do. She and I will be together.

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