Page 28 of It's Always Us

“I don’t know.” It sounds like defeat, with reality settling in.

The silence between us lingers for a few moments. All I want is to be back tucked inside his arms where the rest of the world and this distance between us doesn’t exist. It was so easy there. Here it sucks more than ever.

“I need to tell you something that might sound really bad.” His voice cuts into my longing.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse. My stomach takes a dip, and I give it a second to pull itself together. “Ok.” I say it, but I’m not sure I want to know.

“Rumors are floating around about us getting married.”

“What? How?” He was careful and paid triple to keep things private.

“I don’t know, but I know better than to think anything stays off the feed for long. Since we won, one of the reporters asked about it after the game like it was a joke. I spun it, but—”

“You won?” I smile despite my confusion.

“Damn straight, I did. I just married the woman of my dreams and had the best night of my life. There wasn’t a chance in hell I’d lose that game.”

A wave of heat rolls through me, remembering our night together. “I don’t understand.”

His pause pulls me right back to the here and now.

“I need to keep us quiet for a while.”

Us.It sounds nice, but also like a problem. My empty stomach folds in on itself, hiding this time. I bring my knees closer to my chest, tucking myself into a ball.

When I don’t say anything, Mark continues. “I know that sounds bad. If I had it my way, I’d be shouting from the rooftops that we got married, but . . . this is part of my life now. I can’t do that. A lot is up in the air, and if my organization found out my emergency was getting married and spending the night doing things other than focusing on the game, they’d fry my ass. The media will run with it and spin it and . . . I can’t have that.”

I don’t even know what to think about what he just said. There are so many questions wrapped up in all of it, but the thing that rises to the top is that he doesn’t want people to know about me. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

“So . . . I’m a secret?” I ask carefully, wanting to make sure I understand while my insecurities come strolling out to play.

“Shit. No. I mean—”

“Mark, just tell me what you mean.” It’s my turn to get frustrated and demand answers.

“I don’t know if I can explain this in the next five minutes before I have to leave for an appointment. Lex, this is part of my life. The part I didn’t think about and pulled you into when I made promises to you. I’m sorry. So many things could go wrong if we become a headline at the wrong time.”

“Like?” I need more than that.

“Reporters hunting you down to be the first to show your name and face. If they’re going to do that, you have to be with me where I know you’re safe.”

I can definitely do without that. “What else?”

“I’m a free agent after this season.” He pauses. “Where I play next year is anyone’s guess. I need to stay in good standing and not cause a stir that will give other organizations reason to question my commitment or dedication. I want out of the city. You’d hate it here, and I intend for us to be together.”

My stomach that’s stuffed itself inside my ribs peeks out, but only a little.

“So . . . we wait until the season is over, and then we try to figure out if this will ever work?” I’m not trying to make this more difficult. I just want to understand . . . something.

“Lex,” he says my name, like he’s begging me to understand, but that’s just it. I don’t. I don’t understand anything about where we are or what in the hell we are supposed to do. And for now, I guess that’s how it has to be.

“Look, I know you have to go.”

“Lex, just stay with me. Ok?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

I hear him push out a long breath. “Please don’t be upset. I can’t handle this right now. This isn’t how I want it to be.”

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