Page 156 of It's Always Us

She pulls away, her warm hands holding my face. “Because you know this time, there isn’t a thing that will keep me from you. I’m always right here.” She places her hand directly over my heart. “You wrote your name on mine so long ago. Permanent ink. There’s no changing it. Distance. Time. Nothing.”

I hold her tight, wanting to take to Denver all the plans we left in Phoenix, only with the addition of Bree. The thought of it causes an ache somewhere deep in my middle that I don’t allow access to often.

That deep-rooted fear is like muscle memory rearing its ugly head. Its taunting voice wants me to believe that if I leave, I’ll lose her just like I did the last time I accepted an offer and told her goodbye.

I bury my head in her neck, breathing her in. “Eli and Peyton, huh?” My question comes out muffled.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s kind of stuck. They’re already roughhousing in there.”

I pull away, placing my hands on the sides of her face, needing to see her eyes. “I won’t miss this.”

That bottom lip gets tucked between her teeth. “You won’t because I won’t let you.”

______

“So, you’ll sign the contract and then go to camp?”

Bree sits on the edge of the bed, reciting what I told her while I’m sprawled across the bottom in the middle of a tragic downward spiral.

Why does it all sound so innocent and simple coming out of her mouth?

“Can I come to a game sometime?” Her eyes brighten at the idea.

“I’m not sure. Maybe one of the games that’s closer.”

I thought talking to her about this would involve sadness and her begging me to stay, which would give me an out. I’d tell Rob no because Bree needs me and to know she can trust me.

But no. Both my girls seem to be perfectly fine with me hitting the road for roughly the next six months.

“What about the babies?” Of course, she asks the question that takes my uneasy stomach and rolls into a giant ball of turmoil. I’m going to need a pallet of Rolaids to get me through all of this. I should tell Denver to add that to the contract.

I swallow down the bile that’s taken up permanent residence in my throat. “Well, the doctor recommends we schedule their birth, so I’ll be back for that once camp is over. I’ll have a few weeks off before preseason training starts, but I should be able to come back on the weekends for a while.”

Please tell me it sucks. Tell me you hate me for leaving and throw your clay pencil holder at me.

She pats my leg. “I’ll help take care of the babies when you’re gone.”

Why in the hell is this child so agreeable and helpful? Where’s the drama, the crying, and the neediness?

“So, you think you’ll be fine if I take the offer?”Say no.

She laughs. “Yeah. I can’t wait to tell all my friends you’re playing for the Big Horns. Can you get me a jersey? I’ll wear it on game days.” She bounces toward me.

It’s my turn to laugh. “Yeah, I think I can manage that.”

“The babies need little jerseys. We can all wear them while we watch.”

It’s a punch in the gut. They’ll be wearing my jersey, but I won’t be able to see them.

“You know, I’m really glad to have a big brother. I never thought I’d have one, but it’s even better that my friends think you’re so cool.”

I bump her shoulder as I roll up and stand. “Just remember that when you’re sixteen.” She frowns. “Time for bed, Obi-Wan.”

She climbs under her purple quilt and sheets covered in flowers she and Lex picked out. “Who’s Obi-Wan?”

“Oooohhh, we’re going to have to fix that. Everyone should know who Obi-Wan is, but that requires a movie night.”

“With popcorn and candy?”

---