Page 147 of It's Always Us

I smirk. “Bree, I’m super famous.”

She grins, and it reaches her eyes. “This is incredible. I have a brother, and you’re famous.” Her hands cover her mouth. “I can’t wait to tell my friends.”

I lean forward. “Bree. You and I are going to get along just fine.”

She giggles as Lex groans, and that only makes her laugh more.

“All right, you two,” Lex says, but there’s love in her eyes. “What are we having for dinner? We have to eat early so we can get you to dance.”

I rest back while they discuss dinner. I know what I have to do and who I need to see to make it happen.

Chapter 46

MARK

The fluorescent lights cast a horrendous haze, and the buzz matches my vibrating insides. I could vomit. It might make me feel better, but it would show weakness, and there’s no room for that today.

I hear the shuffling of feet and the clank of metal. My heart pounds so hard it pulses in my ears. I rest my hands on my thighs underneath the table, wiping the sweat on my jeans.

A shadow forms in the doorway, and I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it’s not the woman slinking into the small, abrasive room.

The officer pulls out the metal chair, and my mom slides in, not raising her eyes from the floor. I stare at her. Her thick, gray roots are a distinct contrast to the rest of her dark brown hair. Her eyes are sunken in, and her skin a strange tint of gray.

I try to reconcile this woman to the one from my horrific childhood—the one who drank or drugged herself into becoming nonexistent.

Somehow, in the place where I thought I’d feel rage, I find pity or empathy, maybe. For the first time, I wonder what demons possess her that this has been her chosen or destined path. Who would choose this?

I want to believe it wasn’t a choice. Maybe it’ll make this easier to bear.

My eyes wander over the woman who birthed me but provided nothing more. Strangely, I’m overcome with gratitude for the life I’ve found and that I didn’t end up in the pit of hell chained to substances and a prisoner to my own self-destructive habits.

“It’s been a long time.” I will my voice to hold strong and steady. She doesn’t move or even acknowledge I spoke. I fold my hands together ontop of the table, unwilling to play the silent game. “I never expected to see you again. I sure as hell never expected to have a sister.” Nothing. “Where’s her father?”

I want to know if there’s anyone I need to worry about. I know we don’t share one since mine ended up dead in a ditch after a heroin overdose not long after I was taken away.

Still nothing. My temper revs. “You can either tell me, or I can hire someone to find out. Either way, I’m going to make sure she’s safe.”

Her eyes tip up to mine, harsh and cold, but her chin stays tucked. “He’s . . . not involved.”

I want to ask what exactly that means, but if he’s not a concern, then I really don’t care. “I heard you don’t want me to be her guardian.”

“You’ll take her from me. I can’t . . . handle that. She’s not yours.”

“You think having her sent to some stranger’s home where who knows what can and will happen to her is better? Because let me tell you, I’ve done that, and that shit you hear is real. If you’re dreaming of a life that destroys her, keep this up.”

Her head finally comes up. “She’s all I have.”

I scratch my jaw. “Then you put her first. If you love her, and I’ve heard you do, you put her first.”

“I’ve always put her first. That’s why I left her with Alex when I tried to find you.”

“Is that what you were doing when you decided to get back into the business? Is that what you were thinking when you were cutting, lining, injecting, and selling yourself on the other side of the wall from her? How about when you were bringing every kind of danger into your apartment? Did you even think about what could happen to Bree?” Nothing. “What if they’d come looking for you when they didn’t get paid on time or were desperate to score their next hit? What if they took Bree?”

I sit back in my chair, my skin prickling with sweat. “Does any of that sound like putting her first?”

“I know I wasn’t any kind of mother to you, but I’ve been a good one to Bree.”

“That may be so, but right now is when it matters. You and I both know you aren’t getting out of here any time soon.” I lean forward, needing her to hear me loud and clear. “Don’t punish her because youcan’t handle the fact that you never once did anything to protect me. You can punish yourself all you want, but don’t you dare punish that little girl.”

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