Page 113 of It's Always Us

He clears his throat. “But even having been through that, I’d taken the most basic skills and abilities for granted. See . . . ” He shifts his weight to the other foot. “I met someone in high school who struggled to do what all of the rest of us didn’t even know we were doing. We’d get an assignment, write our name at the top, and get to work. Our futures were bright and filled with possibility. We could read, and that meant we could do anything. Literally.”

He huffs. “I’d never thought about what it would be like if reading was a challenge or if I couldn’t easily show my knowledge in written form. How that would’ve changed everything, especially for a kid like me and where I came from.”

He studies the piece of metal in his hand. “I was sixteen and angry at the world. One day, I walked into the science lab and told another kid to move so I could sit next to this beautiful girl.”

His eyes finally hit mine, and there’s the slightest pause as his lips pull into a hesitant smile. I know he’s reliving it just as I am. The moment the loud, cocky high school quarterback slid into the seat beside me. The absolute last person I’d ever want to be lab partners with or find out I couldn’t read.

Mark’s eyes move back to the crowd, and he grins. “That one obnoxious adolescent move changed the rest of my life. She had her head down, focused on a closed notebook, and wouldn’t give me the time of day.”

The crowd laughs, and tears run down my chin, to my neck, and then chest. I remember his young, handsome face asking to borrow a pencil and then teasing me that I wouldn’t get it back. Even then, he was a flirt.

“I eventually found my in with her, and by some miracle, over time, she trusted me enough to show me her weakness.”

He finds me again, and it’s as if my soul aches for how much I love him. How much I’ve always loved him. How much he loves me, and maybe I’m only just realizing it.

“Man . . . ” he shakes his head. “She was good at covering it because this chick was brilliant. Hands down way too good for me and the only reason I didn’t flunk physics. She could run circles around the rest of us,but . . . school was excruciating for her because reading was difficult. She couldn’t do it, at least not the way the rest of us could. Every assignment, every textbook, and test took her hours and hours to complete, but that time wasn’t afforded.”

I side-eye those around me, and all eyes are straight ahead, nodding and taking in his words.

He clears his throat again, taking a moment. “The pain, shame, and embarrassment I saw in her eyes every time she tried and failed, with no one’s help or caring to understand what made her different . . . it did me in. No person, no child, should sit in a classroom feeling like there’s something wrong with them simply because their brain doesn’t allow them to see things the way the rest of us do.”

Mark goes on to discuss how we can make a difference and change futures. He outlines the resources his organization provides and how critical awareness and education on the topic are essential for those kids who are struggling. Often, it’s only because they haven’t been introduced to the right tools or had access to the assistance they need.

Tears and snot streak my face for all the years that I’ve held myself back. I swipe my cheeks with the back of my wrist, smearing it everywhere.

He’s been helping kids like me while I’ve done what? Nothing.

I’ve sat around feeling less than and ashamed, but he was out there doing the work to ensure others don’t have to endure it. I shake my head with anger at myself for letting my challenge keep me from . . . everything.

I sit up, leaning closer to watch him, no longer caring who might see or worried about what they might think.

All this time . . . I’ve missed so much. I’ve missed him. His wins and losses. All he’s worked for and overcome. He survived horrors, but not only that, he came out the other side compassionate and loving and so damn good.

I’ve missed knowing his friends and his family. His gigantic growing family that he’s built with his brothers. I’ve missed eight years’ worth of time and love we should have had together.

I left him. I let him think I didn’t want him. I didn’t fucking show up for the man who I know would have given this all up to stay with me.

No more. Never again. I won’t miss another second. Wherever he’s going, I’m going. He said it. It’s always us. And it has been. Ever since theday the cocky sixteen year old boy sat down next to me, I never had a choice.

I don’t deserve it, but he’s given me a chance, and I’m taking it. I’ll never again let him think that I haven’t chosen him.

The crowd applauds and rises to their feet as Mark wraps up his speech. He’s ushered off the stage, and I’m left in my seat a freaking mess, but I don’t care. The only thing I care about is finding him.

The need to see him and tell him is nearly causing panic. I don’t want to go another second without him knowing we will never be apart again. I need him to know that I’d follow him to the moon if that means he’ll keep on loving me theway he always has.

Chapter 33

MARK

My heart smacks against my rib cage as I shake another hand, and the camera flashes. I need to find Lex. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her tear-streaked face. Her sad, gentle smile is the only thing giving me marginal comfort.

Not warning her was a big risk, but I wanted her to see that it never mattered. I had nothing and came from less. I was my dad’s punching bag, his torture doll, the object of his despise. Most days, my mom couldn’t stay sober long enough to make breakfast or ensure I wasn’t beaten to death.

Until Lex, I was letting my circumstances dictate my future, but she showed me I could do and become anything. Where I came from and who my parents were didn’t matter. She believed in me like no one else ever had.

Through high school, Lex and I worked hard together. When I could, I read our textbooks out loud and helped her memorize the material. But I couldn’t help her with tests, and it tore me in two every time she failed. She knew the answers, but if you can’t read the questions or write the answers, it won’t ever matter.

But it was her fight and bravery that only made me love her more. She never gave up. She always tried despite the comments, discouragement, and knowing the outcome. She kept going. Kept trying.

---