Page 11 of It's Always Us

“Mark,” Shane’s put on his coaching pants now, and that tone makes me want to hang up on his ass.

I don’t need a coach. I need my brother, who understands we might only get one chance at true, undying love if we’re lucky. I had mine all those years ago, and now, unexpectedly, I’ve been given an opening, and I’m sure as hell taking it.

“We all know if she’s seen social media, your confession, and long-withstanding pining will seem a bit hard to believe,” Shane says.

I laugh. If he were sitting next to me, I’d cackle in his big, grumpy mug. “Thanks for keeping tabs, but we all know that’s complete bullshit.”

“You think she’ll see it that way?” Sean asks carefully.

It’s a good thing I love these guys as if they were my flesh and blood because if they were anyone else, I might literally reach through the phone, and fists would be flying.

The thought that she might not believe me has me rolling down the window, needing the cool air to prevent me from thrusting the door open and upchucking my dinner. I know what the world thinks I am, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. I like people. I like women, but there’sonly ever been one woman who’s ever had my heart. The rest have been my best attempts at distraction that never worked.

I take a calming breath, knowing I’ll likely have to explain it all at some point, but first, I have to know if she even gives a shit. From what I understand, there’s at least a shred of hope she does.

“Yes, I made some really stupid decisions. We all have, but it’s been years. Nothing has happened outside of those posed photos. She’ll see that.”

At least, I hope she will.I’m not perfect, and I’ve made mistakes like everyone does, but there’s a huge difference between being seen as a playboy and actually being one.

I hear Sean exhale this time, and I know it’s him because it’s not filled with exaggerated condescension. “Good luck, bro. I’m rooting for you.”

Shane grunts, something I can’t make out.

I need a few minutes to myself. “I’ve got to go. I’ll call you guys later.”

“Whatever happens, make sure you’re on you’re A-game in Vegas. I want to beat your ass in the playoffs,” Sean jokes, lightening the doom they seem to think I’m walking into, but my mind is only on the task at hand. I play to win, and I’m playing for everything.

“Mark,” Shane barks in his overly protective, coach tone. “She’s getting married. If you walk in there, you have to be good walking out alone.” That isn’t even a possibility I can consider at the moment. “I want a phone call when this is done. No going into hiding while you have one of your monstrous diva meltdowns. You call us.”

My head falls back, and I push air out between my lips, waiting for the damn light to turn green. “Fine. Don’t worry. I’ve got a good feeling about this.”

My brothers groan in unison, and I have no doubt both are rubbing their temples. I can’t help but grin, and it feels good. They know I’m not one to sit on the sidelines. I’ve always played like I might never again. It’s risky sometimes, but it’s gotten me to the top. Even if I was a play-it-safe kind of guy, this is not the time to do it.

“If I had a dollar for every time I heard that,” Sean mumbles.

“This is different, boys. I’m finally doing what I should have done a long time ago. No matter how it turns out, I have to know. I just hate it’s taken me this long, and it’s under these circumstances, but this is it. My last shot. You bet your asses I’m taking it.”

______

The old, red brick A-frame building stands just as it did eight years ago. The garage doors still list the same services in the same old white paint. The doors are shut and locked up tight, but the lights blaze from within.

For eight years, there hasn’t been a single day I haven’t thought about this place or the woman I have no doubt is inside working late into the night to rid herself of . . . something. I’m here, and I want to know what that something is. I have a ridiculous desire for that something to be me.

I’ve loved this woman more than half my life, and that love is more alive today than it was eight years ago when she kissed me goodbye and told me she’d see me soon. Week after week came and went, but she never did. She changed her number, dropped out of my life, and went on as if we never happened at all.

All this time, I’ve been watching like a full-time, non-threatening stalker. I’ve monitored her extremely minimal social media activity, wanting her to be happy. I know better than anyone you can’t believe everything you see on a screen, but my Lex is missing. I know the woman I love still has to be inside the made-up version I saw in the few posts over recent years. No one can tell me my Lex isn’t still in there.

Until she walks down the aisle and promises the rest of her life to that schmuck, I won’t accept we aren’t meant to be together. Not until she looks me in the eye and tells me she doesn’t love me anymore.

Maybe I’ve completely lost it, and coming here is the most preposterous thing I’ve ever done, which would be saying a lot since I’ve done some really stupid shit. But it’s been years, and I haven’t been able to let her go. I’m not about to now. At least not without her telling me she wants me to and actually believing her.

I climb out of my rental car, taking a slow, deep breath to calm my racing heart. This is it, the defining moment for the rest of my life. I’m either going to walk away, finally having to face the devastation and utter heartbreak I’ve drowned out with hope, or convince her that what we were is everything we can still be.

Outside the door, I hear metal clang to the floor and a string of gentle curses that causes one side of my mouth to tip up. My nerves still standat attention, but they stop shouting upon hearing the voice of the one that used to lay in the grass and tell me all I could be.

I inhale deeply, my stomach crawling into my throat as I prepare to put it all on the line. I’m not sure I’ve ever been more nervous in my life than I am at this very moment.

I need to shore myself up and walk in with my game face on. I need her to hear and believe every word that comes out of my mouth. If the Lex I knew is on the other side of this door, I have no doubt she won’t be doing much of the talking.

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