Page 29 of Summer with a Player

The seashell mobile hanging clinks softly, on the porch. I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself as I clutch the phone in my trembling hand. "Goodbye, Asher," I whisper, my voice barely audible, and press the end call button.

Tears cascade down my cheeks like a waterfall as I collapse onto the bed, the weight of losing Asher threatening to crush me. The scent of his cologne still lingers on my pillowcase, and it's all I can do not to bury my face in it like some lovesick teenager. Instead, I curl up into a ball, wrapping my arms around myself as if I can hold the pieces of my shattered heart together with sheer willpower alone.

"Did I make the right decision?" I whisper to myself, my mind racing with doubt. Memories of time spent with Asher flash through my mind - our first date at Sand Dunes Bar & Grill, laughing on the sands of Love Beach, the way his eyes sparkled when he talked about scoring the winning goal for the Charleston Renegades.

"Elle, you've got to stick to your choice," I whisper fiercely to myself, shaking my head as if I could physically dislodge the pain from my thoughts. "You need to focus on becoming the nurse you've always dreamed of being."

I try to push the memories away, but they remain, stubbornly etched into every corner of my heart. My body aches for his touch, for the secure feeling when he holds me, for the gentle pressure of his lips against mine. And yet, I know that I can’t have both him and the life I want.

"Damn it, Elle, pull yourself together," I mutter under my breath, swiping angrily at the tears that continue to stream down my face. My heart screams in protest, but I force myself to stand firm, determined to forge a new path for myself - one without Asher by my side.

"Maybe someday." The words spoken out of my mouth are like a tiny ember of hope flickering in the darkness. "Maybe someday I can find happiness and stability with someone."

But for now, all I’m left with is the crushing weight of loneliness, the piercing sting of regret, and the never-ending search for the intimacy that seems to elude me at every turn.

The salt of my tears mixes with the taste of sorrow as I chew on my thumbnail. The room feels suffocating, like the walls are closing in on me. I know it's not the room - it's the weight of my decision that's crushing me.

"Never again," I vow to myself, my voice barely above a whisper. "I won't let anyone hurt me like this again." I close off my emotions, retreating back into the patterns of self-protection I've spent a lifetime perfecting. The pain is real as the hollowness comes from shutting out the world.

"Enough," I say, sternly. "Time to get up and face reality, Elle." With determination etched onto my face, I wipe away the lingering tears and stand up from the bed. The soft cotton sheets slip through my fingers as I release them, reminding me of the fleeting moments of comfort I sought in Asher's arms.

"Seriously, you're better off without him," I try to convince myself, the words sounding more like a question than a declaration. "Now, what do I need to do?" My mind races, trying to find something that'll keep me busy, something that'll take my thoughts away from the ache in my chest.

"Maybe a walk on Love Beach would clear my head," I muse, pulling on a pair of comfortable sneakers. "Besides, the fresh air might do me some good." As I walk toward the door, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. It's a stranger staring back at me, her eyes empty and her smile a mere shadow of what it used to be.

"Hey, don't look like that," I chide myself, forcing a small smile. "You're strong, you've got this." I almost believe it too. The mask of determination I wear like armor feels just a little bit less heavy.

"Alright," I breathe, taking one last look at the sanctuary of my home before stepping outside. "Time to face the world alone, once again." And as the door closes behind me, I wonder if I'll ever find the intimacy I crave, or if it's destined to be an endless search in this vast ocean of loneliness and regret.

The salty ocean breeze caresses my face as I return home with a heavy heart. The air inside feels stagnant, suffocating, the remnants of a love that once was but now shattered beyond repair. I glance around the room, and my gaze lands on the framed photograph of Asher and me, grinning like fools in our Charleston Renegades jerseys. With a shaky breath, I pick it up and slide the photo free from its frame.

"Time to erase you from my life," I whisper, my voice wavering despite my determination. I start gathering the scattered belongings that remind me of him – the soft gray hoodie he'd left behind, now holding his lingering scent; the puck he'd signed after scoring the winning goal at a Renegades game; the crystal ball charm necklace he'd given me during one of our beach strolls.

I pause to chew on my nail, a habit I can't seem to break. Looking around, I know I have everything that belonged to him and carefully place it into a box. As I fold his clothes, a memory of us playfully tussling over them fills my mind, causing my resolveto waver momentarily. But I push the memory aside, my jaw set with determination.

I tell myself I am strong enough to move on, that I don't need him as I seal the box with tape. I take a deep breath, inhaling the calming scents of the plants I've lovingly nurtured throughout my home. The sunlight is bright through the windows, making it contrast with the cold void left by Asher's absence.

Maybe I should go stay somewhere else for a while. I’m unable to bear the weight of the memories around me any longer. Somewhere that doesn't scream 'Asher and Elle' with every breath I take. My thoughts drift to the retiree haven of Serenity Village, a place where I could find solace among the friendly faces there.

"Goodbye, my love," I whisper, taking one last look around the room before walking out the door, leaving behind the shattered remains of our relationship. As I step outside, the ocean's vast expanse stretches before me, like an infinite canvas of blues and greens. A wave of loneliness washes over me, my heart aching with regret as I stand on the precipice of a new chapter in my life.

Will I ever find what I'm searching for? It’s a question I ask myself often. I gaze at the horizon, yearning for the intimacy I've lost. The wind whispers in reply, carrying the promise of healing and the possibility of a renewed love beyond my heartache. I tighten my grip on the box, steeling myself for the ride ahead. As I walk away from my sanctuary, the sun dips below the horizon, marking the end of one era and the beginning of another.

Chapter 19

Asher

The sound of seagulls screeching outside my window drags me out of yet another restless slumber. I sit up in bed, running a hand through my disheveled hair as the reality of my situation sets in. My eyes dart to the clock on my nightstand, and I curse under my breath. Shit, I'm late for practice again. But this time, there's no Elle to blame it on.

I jump out of bed, the cold hardwood floor jolting me awake even further. My heart races as I throw on my workout clothes – a Charleston Renegades t-shirt and black athletic shorts. The red and black colors I love only add to the pressure weighing down on me.

I can't afford to let my team down. They're counting on me to help them win the Championship Cup. Instead, I’m consumed by thoughts of Elle, her scent still lingering on my pillowcase like an intoxicating perfume.

Fuck.

I look at my reflection in the mirror. My usually bright green eyes seem dull and hollow, haunted by memories that refuse to fade.

With no time for breakfast or coffee, I rush out of my apartment, my stomach growling in protest. As I pass Love Beach on my way into the city for work, it’s buzzing with life. It should be a beautiful sight, but all I can think about is how much I've screwed up.

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