Page 64 of His Secret

But then there’s this other voice telling me that I’m hurting myself. I’vebeenhurting myself. I’ve also subconsciously hurt Charlotte by not being honest in the beginning. Not that I felt I had a choice. She was forced on me by my father. Our relationship was never authentic. We didn’t havea meet-cute and fall in love. We were a carefully constructed partnership in order to help her—something I hate my father for forcing me into. And now, I feel trapped.

Being with Matías wouldn’t be a mistake, and it would mean everything to me. I could never discount it as something cheap, or just for sex.

I shove the covers off me with an exhale. I can’t sleep with all these thoughts in my head.

Maybe it’s time to tell my parents the truth. To tell everyone the truth. I switched jobs to get out from under my father. I couldn’t work there anymore. I’ve saved up enough money to be okay for a while. If he cuts me off, at least I have a steady job. I might have to downgrade or change the way I’ve been able to spend on a whim, but I’d be happier. And even the richest people don’t have the richest lives. I want my life to be full, not my wallet.

I plant my feet on the ground and get up to get some water, bringing my phone with me. Sitting on the couch, I stare out at the view and zone out. When I hear a bed creak, I’m brought back into the present. I look at Matías’s door and hear him moving around some more. Guess it makes sense that he can’t sleep either, though not for the same reasons. He doesn’t have to stress over as much. He’s not committed to anyone. He’s out to everyone who knows him.

I get on my phone and scroll through a couple pages of apps before I find the one that’s titledExcel Sheets, though it’s not that at all. It’s a glimpse of the past. A time capsule I’ve never been able to get rid of, even when I went years without looking at it.

When I click it, it opens up to a site that holds all the photos I’ve taken since having this phone. Hundreds of backed up photos that live on even if I don’t have them saved to my phone.

Starting from the beginning, I swipe through a lot of my early college days, before finally landing on images of Matías at one of my parties. There’s some of the two of us, and us with my roommates. Nothing scandalous, just memories of a time when life was a little easier.

The more I swipe, the riskier they get. Selfies of him and I together in my room or his. Faces close, shirts removed as we lounge in bed. One of him kissing my cheek. One of him just lying in my bed, smiling up at me.

My lips turn up on the ends as I look at them.

Every photo of just us together is us hidden behind the four walls of our bedrooms. There are not any pictures of us being a couple out in public, and it breaks my heart to know that I kept him hidden the entire time. What we had was amazing, but it could’ve been even better if I hadn’t been so afraid. I let my father come between us and it ruined everything.

I shift a little when the next photos come up, my eyes flickering to his door like I’m afraid he’ll catch me and know what I’m looking at.

These were photos and videos he sent me when I was traveling with the football team, or really any time we weren’t together for more than twenty-four hours.

I turn my volume down before I play the first video, and when it begins, my heart pounds in my chest. He’s on his bed with the phone propped on the nightstand. It gets everything from the stomach down, and he’s jerking himself with slow strokes before the pace picks up.

Though I’m only wearing a pair of boxers, my entire body warms like I’m wrapped in a thick fleece blanket while sitting next to a fire.

I swallow and get out of it only to be intrigued by the other videos. Clicking through them, I watch several secondsof each—one of them starts, and within only five seconds, he’s coming.

My cock is already hardening, finding its way through the slit in my boxers, ready to escape and be handled.

I reach down to tuck it back in, but when I touch myself as I watch the rest of the video, I can’t find it in me to pull my hand away.

Stroking slowly, I watch as Matías’s fist continues to move up and down his shaft, his cum covering his fingers and stomach. Then I start it over.

My chest heaves as I watch, then the need to hear him takes over. I only put the volume up the tiniest amount, then hold the phone to my ear to hear the noises he makes.

When he comes, the sound sends goosebumps traveling down my arms, and heat licking up my back. I close my eyes, just listening to him as I stroke.

Something gets my attention. I don’t know what the noise was exactly since I was so focused on listening to the video, but I open my eyes and find Matías in his doorway. He’s frozen in place, watching me with a look of surprise on his features.

“Oh.” I scramble to put the phone down and tuck my erection back into my boxers. Embarrassment fills my cheeks with even more heat, and my cock throbs, desperate for the release that was so close.

“Continue,” Matías says, expression shifting from shock to lust.

My dick twitches its excitement at the permission to keep going, but I can’t.

“I should go to my room,” I say, turning to put my feet on the ground so I can stand.

Matías walks over, sitting on the other side of the couch, facing me. “Continue.”

My chest expands with a deep breath. He’s wearing a pair of lounge pants and nothing else. His body has changed and no longer looks like it did in the videos I was just watching, but I find myself more entranced by him. He’s got a dusting of hair on his torso, and defined muscles, and my hands long to rub up and down his body to feel the roughness of what he has to offer. I want the scratch of hair against my skin. I want to feel the strength of his body below or above mine.

“Matías,” I start.

His head inclines slightly and he scoots to the edge of the cushion. “I won’t even touch you. Just let me watch.”

---