Page 13 of His Secret

“Is it going to scare the living shit out of me again?”

“My question scared you?”

“Are you kidding? I’m in the bed of one of the most popular football players on campus, in a house with even more popular football players, and you ask me if I dated some guy? Of course I was scared.”

His fast softens. “I’m sorry. Not for asking, but for not realizing how and why it would be scary for you.”

“It’s fine. I haven’t dealt with much bullying on campus. That was in high school. And probably why I keep everythinglowkey. Better to fly under the radar.”

“That’s kind of sad, too,” he says.

I shrug. “What was your other question?”

He bites down on his lip. “It’s kind of personal, so definitely tell me to shut the fuck up if you need to.”

I laugh. “Okay.”

“You’ve like…been with guys, right? Dated? Hooked up?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, so how did you get to that point?”

“What do you mean?”

“How do you know if someone is…you know, into guys? Or like, into you? Especially if you’re not out.”

“Ah. Well, I just knew. And as cliché as it is, when someone’s into you, you’ll know.”

“Ugh.” He flops onto his back and puts his palms over his eyes.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“We graduate this year.”

“Right,” I say, wondering where he’s going with this.

“They always say college is for experimenting and having fun, and I’ve been too afraid to do anything, and now I’m in my senior year, and it’s the last chance I have to even try. To have the experience before…before life gets in the way.”

“I see. Well, there are apps.”

He scrunches up his face. “Then anyone who sees me will know.”

The thought of offering myself up comes to mind. Of course it does. But I’m not about to assume he’s attracted to me. That’s the problem with the heteros. They think if you’re gay you’re automatically attracted to everyone of the same sex. Also, it doesn’t make me feel too good to offer myself upas an experiment. Something for him to try on and discard. If he wants me, that’s different.

I bite my lip to keep from saying what’s on the tip of my tongue. The thought makes my stomach coil, but he’s my friend. Only that.

“I can take you to a club. It’s not in town, and it caters to those of us in the alphabet mafia.”

He chokes on a laugh. “The what?”

“Alphabet mafia. LGBTQIA. The alphabet.”

Adrian laughs and laughs. “That’s a good one. I haven’t heard of that.”

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