Page 36 of Cocky Secrets

He inhales. “I can’t help you go against the club. It’s not something I’m willing to do.”

I take a step back, the weight of his rejection crashing down on me. “So that’s it, then? You’re just going to stand by and…suffocate me?”

He opens his mouth to respond but closes it again, uncertainty flashing across his face. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“I’m already hurt,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “This isn’t the life I want.”

“You feel like that now, but it’ll pass.”

I turn on my heel, heart cracking into pieces as I walk away from him. “No, it won’t.”

Atlas calls after me, “You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?”

Stopping, I lock onto his gaze, mine unwavering even as I lie, “Of course not. You were my last chance. I know you’ll tell Luke and Sofia Sol I tried to convince you. They’ll tell Celia and Sean. I’m stuck. Everyone wants me to stay here and keep our secrets? Then that’s what I have to do.”

He nods, satisfied, and I spin around, leaving him there.

Their laughter and chatter in the garage grows louder with each of my helpless steps. As I walk toward the back porch of the plantation, to where Melody and Carmen are making dinner, the cool night air feels both vast and confining, countless stars laughing at me overhead.

What can I do now?

FIFTEEN

Sage

It’s been seven days since Atlas turned me down and subsequently did exactly what I predicted he would — tell all The Ciphers in our generation that I had asked him tohelpme secretly meet up with Bear. Luke, Sofia Sol, Celia, Sean. Told even Shay and Mylar. He can’t keep a secret. I can. Nobody knows yet that Shay and Mylar aren’t going to become true Ciphers. I haven’t told a soul that they plan to travel the world.

I’m going crazy in this place.

Usually I spend my time with everyone. If they’re in the living room, I’m in the living room. If they’re outside training, I’m outside cheering them on. If they’re in the sitting room, I’m in my corner happily painting away. Always near to them, is where my place has been for my whole life.

But now, being with them feels like hanging out with my jailers.

In the solitude and comfort of my bedroom I flip through a magazine, the pages crinkling under my fingers. I can’t focus on the words. My mind keeps drifting back to thoughts of Bear, the way his touch echoes in my being and how his presence made everything feel right. I glance at the clock, wondering what he’s doing. Why didn’t I get his phone number? I could have snuck acall to him from our land line, where none would have been able to see who I called, or that a call was made at all. Unless they list outgoing calls on the phone bill, a detail I’m ignorant of. Still, I’d try.

I hear the familiar creak of floorboards, signaling my mother’s approach. She enters the room with a soft sigh, her expression a mix of concern and understanding. I know she’s aware of my feelings for Bear, and it makes my heart race, a mix of hope and frustration bubbling inside me. Will she help me?

“Sage,” she begins, her voice gentle, “I know you want to see Bear.”

I nod, unable to speak.

“You haven’t been eating with us. Have you been eating at all?”

Nodding, “It’s just…” I finally manage to say, my voice barely above a whisper, “How am I ever supposed to dateanyone?” It’s a tactic for arguing my point, when in fact I want to see nobody besides him.

Mom sits down with me, her hand resting on my knee. “If Bear weren’t a cop, things would be different,” she replies, eyes softening. “But you know how the club is. They live for their missions. Think of all the people they’ve saved.”

“I know, Mom. I’m nottryingto be selfish, even though I know now that it is. I’m just…not a Cipher and I want to know where my place is in all of this. Where do I have a life, or do I just live in complement to theirs? Be here as a cheerleader. That’s all.”

“You never complained about it before.”

“I hadn’t met someone who makes me feel the way that Bear makes me feel, before.”

“It won’t work, Sage.”

“If you just came in to tell me that, you wasted your time.”

Mom blinks at me. “That’s not a nice tone of voice.”

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