Page 226 of The Harbinger

My heart stammered, and I choked on my pancake, my mind racing with any secret she may have found out. Of course, I didn’t tell her everything that happened in Russia. She wouldn’t have encouraged my sick infatuation with Sacha if I had. I drank a bit of orange juice and swallowed the piece of pancake stuck in my throat. “And what might that be?” I croaked.

One. Two. Three.

“You’re getting that old person’s disease that makes you forget where you put stuff.”

“Dementia?”

“Yeah, that.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Hilda said her grandma has it, and she forgets where the remote is and sometimes doesn’t bathe.”

I stabbed at my last bite of pancake. Since they started crawling together in a mommy group, Hilda, Lexi’s best friend, told Lex things she had no business knowing. This wasn’t one of those moments, however.

Lex informed me of my disdain for Hilda when we sat for hours in my room in a moment that she said was just like old times. She’d dished on all the things happening in the house, Mom and Dad fighting, about me… She was even afraid they’d get a divorce one day because the stress was too much for them.

It had my heart aching in my chest. A slice of guilt ripped through me and stayed like a stain on my sleeve.

“Clearly, I take showers, Lex. I haven’t lost my mind completely.”

I’d even borrowed money from my mother, walked downtown to the local spa, and got a full-bodied wax, just like Sacha wanted it. The very next day, I’d tried putting on a bra and underwear, but it was just too foreign.

“It’s normal to lose things, Mia,” Mom said, refilling my orange juice as though she were the waitress now and not me. “We get busy and forget sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah, Lex. Memory loss is totally normal.” I gave her a wink, and she rolled her eyes with a smile.

Lex was like a best friend I never knew I needed or had. We’d picked up supposedly right where we left off, teasing one another and spilling our secrets. Her more than I. I’d even apologized for the hateful things I remembered saying to her that night and promised never to say those things again.

My phone pinged, and my heart skidded to a stop. Nausea swirled in my belly, and my hand shook. I dipped into my pocket, and Lex narrowed her eyes at me while a piece of bacon hung out of her mouth.

The screen illuminated, and his name flashed.

I lost my appetite, my mouth dried out, and spots dotted my vision. My thumb shook as I clicked on his message.

Sacha: Doing what?

My breath locked in my chest, and I shut off my screen.

“Aren’t you going to reply?” Lex whispered with confusion tainting her features.

I shook my head. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Try answering the question.”

“But what if he doesn’t like it?” I held my belly, the nausea causing my heart to race.

“God.” She held out her hand. “Let me.”

I shied away from her. “I can do it.” I puffed my cheeks and exhaled slowly.

This was ridiculous. I’d lived with the man for months. We’d slept together, and he’d seen every intimate side of me. I thought of him all throughout the day and only recently had the means to ask him all the questions I’d drummed up in my head.

What was he doing? Did he think of me? Did he miss me?

My mother dropped another pancake on my plate, and I tapped my belly. “I can’t eat anymore, Mom.”

“You barely ate anything. You’re all skin and bones.” She took my plate and put it on the counter, no doubt to let it cool before she put it in the fridge. Nothing went to waste here. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Do we need to set you up with Dr. Johnson again?”

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