Page 87 of Reclaiming Adelaide

My psyche.

My very being.

Nothing mattered.

“Adelaide, stop. You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

What did it matter?

Jake’s hands wrapped around my wrists as he prevented my physical assault. Little bits of hair popped from my scalp as he pulled my hands from my hold.

“This is your fault,” I screeched, slugging his chest with my fist as he pulled me to my feet. “You did this. You let them die.” Jake didn’t stop my onslaught but held still, his face contorted with pain. “I hate you!” I raked my nails down his cheek, seeking retribution.

“That’s enough.” His bruising grip wrapped around my upper arms and shook me like a rag doll. “You’d be dead if it weren’t for me.”

“Jesus,” someone whispered.

Pebbled beads of blood formed on his cheek from the angry red slashes running down.

I tugged on his punishing grip. “I’d rather be dead. Why couldn’t you just let me save them?” I dropped to my knees with a sob, his hold pulling my arms above my head as he prevented my collapse. “I begged you. But you didn’t listen to me.” I jerked against the cold cement floor as a blast of gunfire came across the security speakers, causing a violent tremble to chatter my teeth.

“Adelaide, listen to me.”

I shook my head, scrubbing at the tattoo on my finger, needing to get its dirty reminder off of me.

Jake dropped to my level with a strained grunt and pulled me into his arms, and I let him, burying my face in his chest and wailed a muffled anguished cry of a breaking heart.

“Listen to me.”

I leaned my forehead against his chest—his intoxicating scent nearly smothering me and rocked my head side-to-side.

“I’m so sorry, sweets.”

Don’t say that.

I was willing to sacrifice it all, but he wouldn’t allow me to do the right thing for once. My body sagged as he squeezed tighter, my shoulders dropping, the fight in me dissolving along with my will to live.

This was too much.

I’d wait for the earth to swallow me up whole, take me away, and eviscerate my existence from this world. My headache grew worse, my eyes swollen and itchy, the pounding in my temples beating against my skull.

My parents were gone, and they all sat by and let it happen.

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Iflinchedashishand came down on the back of my neck and smoothed my hair. “I’m sorry, sweets.”

The safe room door opened, surrounding me in a whirlwind of chaos, like a corrosive tornado whirling with shuffling feet, metal clanging against hard surfaces, and men shouting.

Damage control.

A creeping numbness settled over me, blocking out thoughts, smells, and sounds. It staunched the flow of tears, dampening my face, the last tear falling from my chin, and I sniffed.

What if they weren’t dead? He didn’t show us the screen when we heard the gunshots. What if he just wanted us to believe they were? A flutter tickled my breastbone as Jake’s arms fell away with a grunt, tearing me from my thoughts as he held his head, his face pale, like white sheets flapping in the wind.

He leaned back, his hand slipping through the crimson mirror beneath him, sending him onto his ass.

My stomach swirled as he closed his eyes and rested his head on the cement. “Jake?” I pulled myself from my stupor, swallowing the hurt, anger, and pain, and leaned over him, placing my hands on his chest. “Jake, what’s wrong?”

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