Page 84 of Secrets & Curses of Cerithia

“No.” His golden eyes glanced over me sadly. “Can I answer any other questions?”

My mind went blank at his request. I knew there were so many things I wanted to know, but now that I had the chance, I was overwhelmed and couldn’t think straight.

“You love me?” I whispered softly, almost hoping he didn’t hear me. He straightened up as he took a step toward me, but stopped when I backed up.

“I love you more than anything.”

“I hate that I think everything you say is a lie.” Cassius frowned at me as I stared at him. “Even after I learned what my father did, I still feel angry at you."

Cassius’ shoulders deflated at my words, but he didn’t look away from me.

“While I was in Cerithia, I had planned to kill you. And I truly think I would have if Wisp or my darkness had not intervened and saved you. Your words to me that day in the clearing have haunted me everywhere I go.Who could love a monstrosity like me?My mind truly thinks that no one can, and you are lying to me because you need to use me for something.

“But my darkness does not want to hurt you when you are near. It refused to kill you when those Falgon guards—I mean,Cerithia guards—kidnapped me. It hums with happiness when I am close to you, and it seeks you out every time you are near. My mind only shows me memories of us when we are happy, but my mind is broken, so I don’t know if I can trust it.”

Cassius opened his mouth to respond, but I held my hand up to stop him, a pleading look in my eyes.

“I am broken,” I choked out. “I am damaged and tainted. I feel nothing but self-hatred and pain inside of me. I do not know how to fix myself. Nothing brings me happiness anymore, and I worry that I will never be the same woman I was during the trials. I thought I was fine. I thought Jesper’s beatings and torture didn’t break me, but the gods know that I am barely hanging on here.”

My sobs were loud as I spoke the words, not knowing if Cassius truly cared or if this was another plan to use me.

“I will help you, Thea. I will gather each piece of you and make you whole again; even if it takes a lifetime, it will be a lifetime together. You do not have to weather this storm alone. Let me be your rock. I know the words you spoke just now are only a fraction of what you are feeling.” His golden eyes dimmed significantly. “I can feel every terrible thought and feeling you have through the bond. Please, let me show you just how worthy of love you are.

“My words in the clearing that day weremeantto hurt you. I needed you to hate me in that moment, because if you had decided to cross the border to me, your father would have killed you before you took a step. I thought I would have the chance to explain myself to you, though. That I could tell you in our dreams or through the communication bond that I really loved you and I was only protecting you, but I didn’t know it was broken. I was counting on the fact that we could make a plan in our dreams to save us.”

Cassius ran his hands through his hair as he let out a long breath.

“There is another reason I was so cruel to you in the clearing that day, but I will only tell you when I know that you are staying here.”

I wanted to demand that he tell me, but I was feeling overwhelmed with everything. I turned from him and looked out the window. The rain was streaking down the windows, but it was Cassius’ reflection that I watched.

“We need to talk about everything,” I whispered as I turned back to him. “But if I am being honest, I am terrified that you will tell me something that I cannot forgive. If I lose you again, what am I supposed to do? What will I have to live for?”

Cassius frowned slightly at my confession.

“No matter what I tell you, you will forgive me because I did what I needed to save you. Because if I lost you, Thea, I would have to follow you to the stars and into our next lives. I simply cannot live without you.” He was so confident in his words. He reached out and gently grasped my hand for a moment. “Take your time, my love. We’ll talk more when you start feeling better. I don't want to rush this and mess it up.”

His words had calmed me and made my fire mist seep from me in happiness. It crept across the ground until it swirled around him as if it were hugging him. Cassius gave me a sad smile.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch, so I can be here if you need me. If that is alright with you?”

“Fine,” I agreed.

Cassius took a hesitant step toward me, and this time, I didn’t back up. Once he was in front of me, he brushed the hair from my face before running his hand over my cheek. His eyes stared into mine, and I wished I knew what he was thinking.

At the thought, my head pounded violently as voices muddled my mind. The longer I stared at Cassius, the more the voices narrowed down until it was only his that spoke.

Gods, please let this be the year she remembers us and stays with me. I cannot bear to lose her again.

I shook my head to get rid of his thoughts. I hadn’t meant to use the magic I gathered from the meeting of the kingdoms, and it felt like an invasion of his privacy.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m just tired.” I looked away from him. Cassius walked me to the bedroom and tucked me into the bed.

Chapter 27

It had been two days since Cassius and I spoke, but he was always lingering around me. Food and water magically appeared on my nightstand when I woke up each morning. Today, I awoke to a hot bath drawn for me as well as a note from Cassius letting me know that I could come to the dining hall to eat breakfast with him if I wanted.

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