Page 46 of Hero for the Holidays

He felt broken. Broken by the realization, broken by the feelings that were pouring through him now.

Daniel and Lila were bantering, and he looked at his sister, Arizona. She had been in love with Micah when she was seventeen. He had only really heard that whole story later. She’d fallen in love with an older man, and when he’d left, her heart had broken. He’d come back years later with a teenage son, and they had found their way back to each other.

She’d been on ice since then. Ferociously, fiercely angry. Arizona had been the kind of person who wore her anger on her sleeve. She had a reputation for being unpleasant in a way that Landry didn’t.

But they were the same. He’d been hurt, and rather than looking at any of the rational reasons why something might have happened, he’d let it all fester. Let it turn to hatred. He would let it keep him frozen in the exact same spot he’d been in back then.

He’d let it keep him from being there for Fia. And he’d been angry at her all that time for not loving him enough. But how the hell had he shown that he loved her? He had chosen a fantasy over her.

He hadn’t realized that then. He’d been desperate for her to have the baby in part because he wanted to keep her with him. He had felt like her giving the baby away had meant that he was giving them away too.

He was a fucking idiot. He could’ve been there for her. He could’ve listened to her. But instead, he listened only to himself.

He was his fucking dad.

And that was a hell of a thing.

Had his dad not realized the kinds of things that he did? Had he not known that everything he did was a narcissistic maelstrom? Because Landry hadn’t known. He felt justified. He’d felt like his reasoning was valid.

He’d felt like everything was sensible when it had come from inside of him. And now he was on the outside of his body, watching this family dinner. Looking at Fia next to Lila, and realizing how wrong he’d been to not tell Fia from the beginning.

But his hurt and anguish had been piled in front of anything reasonable. He had been indulging it. He’d been indulging himself.

After dinner, there was pie, but he didn’t taste it as he chewed and swallowed.

Daniel and Lila went off to play video games in the next room. And Daughtry kicked back in his chair, looking over at Landry and Fia. “So. You guys are...”

“Co-parenting,” said Fia, crisp and precise.

“Right.”

“Yep,” said Landry. “We’re co-parenting. Because that’s just how we are. Mature.”

“Copacetic,”said Fia.

“A vibe,”said Landry, smiling. “I learned that from Lila.”

“I like it,” said Fia.

“Okay then,” said Daughtry. “And that’s really all you’re ever going to tell us.”

“Play your cards right, and get me drunk enough and maybe you’ll hear the story,” said Fia. “But until then, we have a lot of things left to figure out.”

“On that note,” said Landry, looking at Fia. “Why don’t we go outside and have a drink.”

“I got some good stuff,” said Denver.

He pulled down their famous apple pie moonshine. It was dangerous, because it tasted just like apple pie. It did not taste like what it was. Which was a very, very high proof clear alcohol that they brewed themselves.

It had caused a couple of brawls over the years, in fact.

He poured Fia a measure over ice. And some for him as well.

Then they went outside to the back porch. It was screened then, overlooking one of their larger pastures. They were close to their cows, and Landry had always liked it that way.

Some days he liked cows better than he liked people, if he were honest.

It was hard not to.

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