Page 41 of Hero for the Holidays

She could do without the spines, to be honest.

She breathed in and they hurt. She looked at Lila and they hurt.

But they passed the day working on their penguins and she felt like maybe it had gone well, because she at least looked pleased by her little yarn creature.

“So what do you think about ambushing the Kings with our presence?”

“I enjoyed ambushing them with mine,” Lila said.

Fia scrunched her nose up. “Hmm.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

The question cut Fia to the bone. Because of course it would seem like Fia was embarrassed of Lila. And of course she...was.

Not the way Lila was thinking, of course. It was the idea that everyone would know. Because when she thought of how she and Landry were it was all heat and fire and anger. When she thought of them it was so hot and intense.

Exposing.

Everyone would know.

“Not...of you,” she said. “It’s more... I don’t know. No one knows Landry and I were together back then. He’s explained the whole ranch to you, right?”

“Yeah, there’s four ranches, but they’re kind of all one thing. Like a Taco Bell Pizza Hut.”

“Yes. We are the Taco Bell Pizza Hut of ranching. But if there was also a Burger King and a Wendy’s attached. And we all know each other. We went to school in a one-room schoolhouse.”

“Landry said there was a schoolhouse here. I think a school that small sounds insane. I don’t even know the names of every kid in my class.”

“And that’s why I’m embarrassed. We just all know each other too well, and there are no surprises left, really? And now everyone will know...” She suddenly felt deeply immature talking about this to a thirteen-year-old.

Herthirteen-year-old daughter.

“It’s so silly,” Fia said. “It’s the history between Landry and me that I don’t really want people obsessing over—and they will. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but there isn’t that much to do here.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” Lila said. “Though it’s not like I did much the last year.”

“Oh. Yeah. I... What did you do before?”

“Normal stuff. I volunteered at an animal shelter on the weekends. We used to go hiking out of the city. My dad really liked to go to Blazers games, even though they suck.”

Fia laughed. “They do suck.”

“So bad.” Lila smiled. “My mom didn’t usually come to the games. But she liked to go to the Japanese garden. She said it was her favorite place to think. She had a membership, and she would take me there sometimes and we would just sit. We used to go to the zoo a lot. It’s a really interesting zoo.”

The picture Lila painted of a family so close-knit made Fia’s chest ache.

It was what she’d wanted for her. But she’d lost it. She’d been affected by hideous trauma.

For the first time since Lila had come to Four Corners, she let herself wonder how it might have been if they’d kept her. Would they have gone on family hikes and trips to the zoo?

She blinked, trying to get rid of the stinging in her eyes. “Well, we don’t have a zoo or an animal shelter, but we have a lot of animals here. And there aren’t any stadiums, but we have a game day every year where we all compete against each other in things like football and potato sack races and get very competitive. Mostly, we also suck. We don’t have gardens like Portland, but we have quiet places in the mountains, and I do have a garden where I grow fruits and vegetables. It’s not going to be the same. But I think it could be pretty good.”

Then she felt some of the spines inside her retract. She felt some of her uneasiness ebb. Maybe she wasn’t the worst at this.

When it was time for dinner, she loaded Lila and the crochet creations in her car and they headed over to King’s Crest. The place would be familiar to her again. What a weird realization. It was a new beginning in a lot of ways, but also a strange kind of old echo. A retread. She had to guard those grooves in her heart. Which had been returned to her, but felt a little bit battered and bloodied besides.

But they weren’t in love anymore. If she was honest, in a true adult sense they never had been.

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