Page 95 of The Hometown Legend

“I’m going to be building manager. In the north end. It’s this really beautiful historic place, and I am just so excited for a fresh start.”

“Yeah.”

About that time the check came.

“You’re just looking for something casual,” he said.

“Yeah. Casual.”

Except she knew she wasn’t looking for anything. Not with him.

He walked her out to her car, and when she got to the driver’s side, she saw the way that he was standing. Looking at her. Expectantly.

Then he started to lean in. And without thinking, she took a step back.

“I had a great time,” she said.

“Me, too. Do you want to... You can come back to my place.”

“I’m very religious,” she said. “And it’s important to me that I guard my heart. In this season. And my... Mychastity. So. I shouldn’t. I enjoyed our courtship. Tonight.” Everything that came out of her mouth sounded stilted and ridiculous, but she was panicking. And it seemed like maybe the nicest way to let him down. What could he say if it was against her religious convictions to go back with him? It wasn’t. And she felt a little bad about that. A little bit like a lightning bolt might hit her. But surely God would understand. She needed to try and extricate herself without hurting his feelings. Or making him mad.

“I...didn’t get the impression that you were?”

“I had a conversion experience. Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime.”

“I’m good,” he said.

He took a physical step back.

“Well. Good luck selling houses. I probably won’t see you before I go to Boston.”

She got in her car quickly, and pulled out of the parking lot feeling like an absolute idiot.

What the hell was that all about? What the hell had she done?

It was just that she couldn’t kiss him. Not for the sake of it. She wasn’t going to be able to have sex with him if she couldn’t even kiss him.

She had been thinking of those things as something to get over. As something she needed to accomplish. As markers that she was a coward.

A quitter.

But it wasn’t any better to do something just to check it off. Just to get back at people. That didn’t make her free. That didn’t make her anything but that same scared girl doing things because of the bullies in her life. Who were still by extension controlling her.

She hadn’t even brought any of that out. She hadn’t even taken this opportunity to harm or embarrass him.

She just couldn’t care. Right now it was so hard to care because she was spending time with Gideon. Because he was taking her camping tomorrow. So what did any of that matter?

Yeah, Mike and so many of the others had been hideously mean.

Mike had moved on and changed more or less, because while he was a little bit of an opportunist who had been hoping for easy sex, he hadn’t been rude or insistent, and at no point had he been mean.

She was moving to Boston. And she was friends with Gideon. They were friends. Except...

If I said I was going to kiss you...

Right. Well. It didn’t really matter. What mattered was the future.

And that she learned something.

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