Page 41 of The Hometown Legend

“Thanks for that,” he said.

It was funny, though. Because although she had been young back then, she had always been somebody he had an easy time talking to. She had been effervescent, and nerdy. He had never understood why she hadn’t been able to be herself in school. But maybe... Maybe there was something to that. Maybe it was not unlike him. Like right now. He hadn’t talked to anybody like this in a long time, but for some reason sitting with her he was able to.

She had always been one thing with him and Lydia, and to hear Lydia tell it, she’d been quiet and filled with anxiety at school.

He’d never had anxiety in his life, until his body had turned against him.

He sort of understood now.

“Listen, I can’t guess at what you’re going through. And as somebody who has long wished that they could show a different part of themselves, I know that it isn’t as easy as wanting to. But I... I’m working on changing. You told me back then that I was meant for bigger things than this place. I failed at that. At going and making something bigger. Even though I really wanted to. I got scared. I came home. I quit. Because it’s really hard to break patterns of behavior when they’ve kept you safe. So yeah, I get that just because you don’t like the way that you’ve been acting, doesn’t mean you can just change it. But the truth is you are aware. And you wish it were different. And that means that someday... I think it can be.”

There was something comforting about this. He didn’t necessarily believe her, but it reminded him of something. It reminded him of that time back then even more than his drive to Mapleton had earlier.

“Tell me. Tell me about your plans.”

“I...” She looked down. “I don’t know. I am leaving. I’m moving to Boston. I took a job. I tried to take the safety net away from myself. I tried to make myself a little bit more brave.”

The geographical cure. He had tried that moving here. She was trying it moving to Boston. Did it ever work? He had the hope that it did.

“I have this list of things in my head that I failed at. And before I leave, I want to succeed at them. I know your reputation feels like an albatross. I get that. But when I look at you, that’s not what I see. I see someone who is admired. And for good reason. I want... I don’t want to go out of here as Rory Sullivan, the least memorable Sullivan sister. The most beige human being on the planet. I want to be remembered. For doing something interesting. For being surprising. I want... Maybe I want to be a legend.”

“Except you already know, Rory, the problem with being a legend is that you aren’t really a person.”

She laughed. “I mean, it’s like I said before. Everybody thinks that I’m boring. And I don’t feel like I am. Not in the deepest part of myself. I know it’s not going to actually change me. But I don’t know, don’t you want to be able to choose the way people see you?”

“I never had to think about it before. But yeah. I guess I do now. I wish I could be my old self, but it’s not that simple, because I’m not. I’m angry. About everything. I don’t know how to stop being this angry.”

He told her about his day. How he had scared Riley, how he had alienated the woman he’d intended to hire as the manager.

“Okay. That’s a bad day,” she said. “But it’s not who you are.”

“Who do you think I am?”

“I think you’re all these things. You’re the guy who basically rescued me back then, and the war hero, and the man you are now.”

He wasn’t sure he liked that. Because it was true. Whether he wanted it to be or not. Maybe that was part of his problem. He saw this thing he was now as an intrusion. An imposter. And maybe it was just...him. Maybe he had to figure out how to work with it rather than hoping it would magically change. And everything would go back to being how it was.

“You should call Lydia,” she said.

“I can tell that I disappoint her,” he said.

One thing he hadn’t seen yet on Rory’s face was disappointment.

But right now he saw something he hadn’t expected. Kinship. “When I left college, I know I disappointed Fia. I know what she wanted was for me to fly the nest and find what I was looking for. I felt like she was disappointed in me, because I was disappointed in me. She was disappointedforme and there’s a difference between the two. Even if it doesn’t feel like it then.”

“There’s a difference between dropping out of college and losing your career, marriage and everything else.”

“I’ve never had all that much to lose,” she said softly. “I guess that’s the consequence of living a really big life. Your personal stakes were really high.”

Her words hit a spot inside him he hadn’t known was there. Something hungry for an affirmation that didn’t feel empty. Didn’t feel directed at a man he used to be, but the man he was.

“I don’t know if it was worth it,” he said.

“Then I guess it’s a good thing you aren’t done.”

The moment stretched between them.

You aren’t done.

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