Page 49 of Fierce-Zander

“Oh really,” she said. “Why is that?”

“I think you’re regal. I think you’re confident in what you do and how you look, your life in general.”

She laughed. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

This was the whole “fake it until you make it” thing in life.

She’d done it for years.

Be the strong one for everyone else so they didn’t know she was terrified under the surface. If she remained calm, it calmed those around her.

Maybe she took her job too far into her personal life, but it was part of her coping mechanism.

“Don’t do that to yourself,” he said. “You couldn’t help as many as you do if you didn’t feel as if you had the ability to do it. And if you felt your own life was messed up, then you’d worry you couldn’t provide the right services for your clients. It’s not about money for you. It’s about results.”

She pursed her lips. “You’ve got me there. Though the money is nice and is needed to survive, it’s not my driving force.”

“No,” he said. “For me, the same with the money. And most jobs like the one I was on last night, they pay well, but it’s not something I’m driven to do. I get a lot of things like that. I’ve got all sorts of contracts for background checks and security issues to look into. They keep my staff employed and pay the rent. Puts money in my pocket too.”

“You like the ones where you make a difference,” she said. “Maybe can even save someone.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ve got some cases now that just kill me and I may never solve. Missing persons that the police have just let be cold cases.”

She ran her hand over his arm. “That was why you left, right? You didn’t want to stop fighting for things but had no control over it.”

“That is part of it,” he said. “I have files that will never close and at times I have to tell the clients they might never get their answers, but they want to keep trying. They stay open and I look for new information now and again or new leads. One year, I found information the police couldn’t on a crime. Got the reward money too, though that hadn’t been the plan. It wasn’t the ending I wanted for the crime, but I did close the case. If my client gets something new, they come to me before they go to the police now.”

“Because they know you’ll look into it more?”

“Yes,” he said. “I have fewer resources but get more answers.”

“Oh,” she said. “I think you have a lot of resources and just don’t admit it.”

“I do,” he said. “I should have said less manpower. My point is, we all have reasons for what we do but sometimes have to do things that don’t drive us because we need to stay afloat.”

She was positive he was more than staying afloat. Miles talked to Betsy all the time and it seemed they were crazy busy.

Now with Zander’s father coming on too, work was flowing.

But she understood what it was like to have your work mean something more than just a paycheck.

“Looks like it’s time for the tour to start,” she said. “We can just enjoy and turn off the rest.”

“From now on, it’s about us and this date. Not even a business expense.”

She giggled and put her hand over her mouth wondering where that sound came from.

He reached for her fingers and pulled them away. “Don’t do that. I like when you don’t have as much control over yourself as you’re used to.”

“I’m not so sure I like it though.”

She wanted to think she’d analyze it later, but maybe she needed to shut it all off and just be here and see where it took her for once in her life.

They walked along and saw all sorts of tigers and bobcats, leopards, wolves, lemurs that made her laugh and brought back some childhood memories that weren’t so horrible.

When they got to the lions, she noticed them broken up into groups.

The guide explained that the women of one family were in one group of prides and the males in another group called coalitions.

---