Page 86 of The Butterfly Killer

“Hm.” Roman nodded. “How’s your leg?”

Another thing Marcus had forgotten about. At the mention of it, there was an ache of pain that went through it. He shrugged it off.

“Better. Thank you. For carrying me.”

Before, he would have made a snide-remark about Roman being the cause of it in the first place. It was just another thing he let roll off his back. It was getting easier to let things go. Easier to forgive Roman for the horrible things he’d done.

Marcus promised he would start making Roman pay for his past choices once he wasn’t hobbling around on one foot.

Roman did look at him briefly at that. There was a question in his eyes.

“We’re staying at a motel. Get some rest. We’ll be leaving early in the morning.”

Marcus squinted at the clock. “Is that right? It’s already past midnight.”

Roman’s mouth quirked. “We’re leaving before sunrise. How well can you function on four hours of sleep?”

Marcus snorted. “Give me two cups of coffee and I can do it with just two. I’m a cop. Sleep deprivation is a requirement.”

Roman’s smile could have blinded Marcus if he hadn’t looked away in time. He’d anticipated it. That was why he turned his head to avoid it. Every time Roman smiled—a genuine smile, not the cruel ones—it made him more human. The more human Roman became to him, the harder it would be to hurt him when the time came.

He didn’t want to say kill. Even thinking it now was making his stomach twist which shouldn’t be happening. Hewas nothing to Roman and Roman should be nothing to him in return.

Roman nodded toward the radio. “You can change it to something you like.”

The western play had turned into baseball reruns Marcus was not at all interested in. He reached over and scanned through the channels.

He paused when he heard a familiar beat. His pulse quickened. He was sure he’d mistaken the song for something else, but the more he listened, the more it became apparent that the song playing, eerily, was the one he’d been playing in his head as he danced with Roman.

He was about to change to the next channel when Roman started to hum along.

Roman tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. His head tilted from side to side.

Marcus stared at him like he was witnessing the most horrifying thing to happen to mankind. He knew he looked prettified, maybe like his life was about to end and that there was no hope.

Because that was the moment Roman won.

All the plans Marcus had made or could make crumbled as Roman sung along without missing a lyric.

“Oh, did I not mention this is one of my favorites?”

The bubble that was Marcus’s brain popped. He was submerged into a boiling pot of acid that made him itch all over. And as he itched away, he peeled off his skin. The pain cycled over and over. That itch remained.

He flinched away from the radio. He flung himself into the backseat, hiking the blanket up to his nostrils. He inhaled, breathing in the scent to clog his thoughts.

The music seemed to get louder. He closed his eyes. That wasn’t enough. He threw the blanket over his head and squeezed his eyes.

This feeling…It was panic but also calm. He was scared but also safe. This juxtaposition made him feel ill and in turn, made him crave it. He shook his head as if he could make the thoughts make sense.

The song was a throwaway, yet it meant everything to him. It wasn’t just because Roman knew it, that he’d danced with Marcus as Marcus hummed it—it was a song Marcus now realized his mother played a lot and it reminded him of her.

The car ride stretched on. Even when the song ended, it felt like they were still miles away from where they were heading. Marcus didn’t know where Roman was taking them so they could have been hours away, but by what Roman said earlier, it sounded like they were nearby.

He pulled the blanket off his head when it became too stuffy.

The fresh air was better. His head wasn’t entirely clear from the almost panic attack he had, but the world didn’t seem too off-kilter anymore.

He’d taken the blanket off just in time. The lights of a small dark motel came into view. There was a town further down the road, but from the sparse lights, it didn’t seem big.

---