Page 38 of Breaking Boston

I needed to stay strong and gather any clues that could lead me to the truth. Something told me that there was more to this tragedy than met the eye, and I was prepared to do whatever it took to find out what really happened. The journey to discover my past had taken an unexpected turn, but I was ready to face it with resolve.

I walked away from the parents, whom I didn't remember. I walked away from all the questions I'd never get answers to. I let the snow envelope me, hoping it would make me freeze to death, but the heat from the fire burning inside me prevented that.

I didn't rush back to the T. I walked from town to town, keeping my head down, ignoring every call that came through my phone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted my parents, but that was never going to happen.

I'd never find out why I got taken away or why my parents never tried to get me back. I feel more lost now than I ever did, and that's saying a lot.

I end up back on the T, soaked in wet rain from head to toe. I sit in the back like I did on my way here, and pull out my works to mix up a shot.

I didn't give a fuck if someone saw me. I needed to get high. So that's what I did. I stuck the needle in my hand and pushed the plunger, sending the brown liquid rushing through my veins.

Suddenly, everything felt better. The pain of losing my parents wasn't bothering me. The betrayal wasn't haunting me. I couldn't cry anymore, not through hooded eyes, as my head slumped from an intense nod. I felt nothing. But I was happy.

I squeezed my eyes shut and let the numbness take over. But in the back of my mind, I knew this wasn't the answer. I couldn't keep running and hiding behind drugs. I had to face the reality of my situation.

But I wasn't ready to come to terms with my reality just yet.

As the train rumbled down the tracks, I made a decision. I would find out the truth about my parents and why they never tried to get me back. I couldn't keep living with this weight on my shoulders. I needed closure, even if it was painful.

I got back to the guys'apartment, shocked to find all the lights off and the place completely empty. An eerie feeling washed over me as I crept down the dark hall, heading for Lux's room to change out of my wet clothes.

I flipped the light on and was met with emptiness. Nothing but the breeze enveloped me, the window slightly cracked. Needing to feel the icy air on my skin, I left it open as I began shedding my wet clothes until every layer was in a heap on the floor.

My body ached in ways I had never experienced before, but also in the best fucking ways possible. The pain told me that I was still alive, even though I didn't want to be.

My parents are dead, so why should I still be here? I thought to myself, thinking about ending it all tonight.

I slip into a pair of black leggings, pulling a sports bra over my breasts, wincing when the band slaps against the mark from Lux's knife that he carved into my skin.

Pain... more pain.

I breathed through it, collapsing on the bed with a lit cigarette hanging from between my lips. I deeply inhaled it until my lungs started to burn from the smoke. I didn't care, though. I'm sure this will be my last night here. I was determined for it to be.

I knew it would break Lux and Donovan, but maybe it would make them realize how fucking broken I was, even if it was a fucked-up way to do it.

I never said I was perfect.In fact, I was far from it. But I couldn't bear the pain of living any longer.

I reached for the bag of heroin and my needle on Lux's nightstand and began mixing up a shot. Just as I was about to shoot up, I heard a creaking noise coming from the balcony. Looking up, getting on my knees to peer out the window, nothing but darkness and falling snow is in sight.

I get back to work, tying off my arm until my purple, scarred veins slightly bulge. Knowing I put enough dope in the shot to overdose, I take a moment to come to terms with my decision, knowing I'll be going to a better place where I won't have to deal with the incessant pain and constant reminders of the hell I had for a childhood.

This would make everything better, and fuck, was I dying for that... pun intended.

I stuck the point in my vein, seeing the red flush immediately. I swallowed hard and pushed the plunger with the pad of my thumb, watching the dark brown liquid enter my vein, going directly into my bloodstream.

This was it.

I put the paraphernalia away and lit another cigarette, leaning back against the pillows to try to get comfortable.

I could feel my heart slowing down and my hearing became disoriented. I fought for my eyes to stay open, just so I could finish my last cigarette.

Once they closed, they closed for good, and I could feel myself slipping into a dark, dark abyss that I couldn't crawl out of even if I changed my mind.

This was it.

No more Donovan and Lux. But they'd be better off without me. At least, that's what I thought.

My thoughts faded to blurs and my limbs began to go numb, and then everything around me went black.

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