“He brought it,” she says, nodding towards Axel.

My father puts the bottle aside.

“A bit early in the day for alcohol, don’t you think?”

Seriously? My family always include wine along with their meals when they entertain friends. This open hostility is doing my head in. If I wasn't so desperate to maintain a relationship with my parents, I'd already be out the door.

Axel shrugs. He looks composed and unbothered as he says politely, “It’s for whenever you want it, sir.”

My father just grunts and sits.

My mother leaves the room to fetch the lunch. I’d go with her except I’m afraid of what my father might say to Axel, so we just sit there in silence.

Once the lunch is served, conversation picks up a little. My mother asks what I’ve been doing and where I’ve been. The subject of my disappearance from the ReEducation Centre is not brought up, and it occurs to me that maybe my parents knew what they did was illegal, and don’t want to admit to something in front of a witness.

My father contributes slightly to conversation but there are frequent thinly-veiled barbs directed at gay men and Axel in particular. Axel smiles serenely through it and it’s obvious he expected this frosty reception. When I open my mouth to explode after one too many digs, Axel kicks me under the table and gives the slightest shake of his head, but I don’t know how much longer I can bite my tongue.

AXEL

Lunch has been torturous and it's a relief when it finishes and we move back to the lounge for coffee and cake. The cake makes conversation unnecessary and silence hangs heavy in the room. It's so quiet, you can hear everyone as they swallow.

Afterwards, Justin’s mother gets up.

“Excuse us, Axel,” she says, using my name for the first time. I'm immediately suspicious. “Justin and I need to talk about some things. Justin?” and she indicates he should follow her to the kitchen.

Justin looks uncertainly at me, but it’s fine. His father has parked himself behind his newspaper again, and I can occupy myself on my phone. When he sees that I’m okay here, Justin follows his mother out to the kitchen. I can hear the murmuring of voices out there, but I can’t make out any words. I hope he’s okay, but I have to trust he’ll come and get me if he’s not.

The visit has been awkward and uncomfortable. I can see how much Justin wants his family to accept him, and it’s been painful watching him reach the slow realization that they will never accept him as he is, nor anyone he chooses to bring home with him.

Chapter 38

Retreat

AXEL

Emerging from a video I’d been watching on my phone, it occurs to me that Justin’s been gone for a long time. I’m worried about him, so I collect the dirty plates and mugs, using those as a reason to head towards the kitchen.

I pause just outside the kitchen when I hear a firm voice inside. Justin’s mother is speaking.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I realize now that was the wrong way to go about it. Can we please put that behind us. It was a mistake.”

She must be speaking to Justin, though I don’t hear his reply. They must have been talking about the conversion therapy. I probablyshouldenter the room, and I probablyshouldn’teavesdrop, but I do anyway, wondering what she’s going to say next. She’s been coldly polite in front of me after the initial hostility, but I’m unsure if she was holding back until she could talk to Justin alone.

She continues speaking.

“But if you want to be a part of this family, you need to stop this. Break it off. Tell him to go home and start behaving the way you were brought up to behave. You do want to be a part of this family, don't you?”

I wait for him to protest or refuse her ultimatum, but he doesn’t.

After a few moments, he says, “Yes, yes. Of course I want to be a part of the family. That's why I've come back.”

I blink, in shock. I can't believe what I've just heard. The blood rushes from my head. A buzzing starts up in my ears, and I stumble away. They say eavesdroppers never heard good things about themselves, and in this case, I didn't hear anything good about us.

They're still talking in there, but I can't hear it over the buzzing in my head. I wonder if I'm going to pass out. I can't go in there now. I retreat to the lounge and stumble into a chair, beforehurriedly replacing the dirty plates on the coffee table. For a minute the world disappears in a sizzle of blackness and pinpoint stars. Then a hand shakes my shoulder.

"Axel," a worried voice breaks through my confusion. "Axel. Are you okay?"

The stars recede and I become aware of Justin kneeling on the carpet in front of me, brows scrunched in concern.