“So good. Didn’t realize how much I needed that. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He kisses me. Then he waggles his eyebrows at me. “Happy to help you out anytime.”

Brrrrrr! Brrrrrr! Brrrrrr!

The annoying sound of the alarm interrupts our post-sex haze.

“Shit!” exclaims Axel. “We need to get going.”

He kisses me. “Come on, up you get!”

I want nothing more than to lie in bed and go back to sleep. Why do we have to get up this early? Clearly sex has wiped my brain, because it takes me a moment or two to figure it out but when I finally do, I’m out of bed faster than I can think.

We take turns in the bathroom cleaning up, and grab the bags Axel packed the night before. There’s no-one around to see us leave the house and we hurry out into the brisk morning air. It's so cold this morning that we make little white clouds with everyexhale, and the windows and mirrors of the car Axel has parked in his driveway out of sight of the road, are all fogged. Axel opens the back door.

"Get in and lie down out of sight," his voice is so low I barely hear him, but his intention is clear. If anyone does see him driving, he wants it to appear as if he’s alone. I do as he says.

Axel uses his elbow to clear the fog from the side mirror. He's about to get in the driver's door, when he pauses. He leans in.

“Wait here a moment,” he whispers. “There’s one more thing I have to do before we leave. I’ll be right back.”

Then he’s gone, and I hear the sound of his footsteps heading back to the house.

Time drags while I wait. I’m nervous that something will go wrong. That Axel’s mum will wake up and put a stop to this. Or she’ll call the police. Or… I don’t know, just… anything.

I realize my breathing has become shallow and fast, and I’m in danger of having a panic attack. I focus on my breathing, trying to slow it down, and blocking out thoughts of anything else. The last thing we need is for me to freak out right now.Breathe in through the nose, 1 2 3 4, breathe out through the mouth, 1 2 3 4.Over and over.

After what feels like forever, Axel climbs into the car, and something lands on the passenger seat beside him with athwack!He seems upset, but doesn’t say anything, just starts the car and backs out of the driveway.

“Something wrong?” I query from where I’m slouched down in the backseat.

“Yeah. But I don’t want to talk about it right now. It doesn’t change anything we’re doing. Don’t worry.”

Of course, I do worry. But I know better than to push him. He’ll tell me when he’s ready. Right now, we just need to get out of here.

AXEL

Just before I get in the car, I remember there’s something I haven’t done. Depending on how things evolve from this point, I may not get the chance later. And I have to know.

Leaving Justin in the car, I quietly re-enter the house. I pause cautiously once inside, but it’s still silent. It’s so early that it would be exceptionally bad luck if anyone else were awake.

Satisfied no-one’s up yet, I make my way to my parent’s study and go straight to my mother’s desk. It’s many years since I’ve done this, but I took great care she never knew the child version of me found her hiding place, so I doubt she’s ever changed it.

Pulling open the middle right-hand drawer, right at the back behind everything else, I see the things I had hoped not to find here. They stand out amongst the other perfect stationary because of their uneven edges. There are four of them. Envelopes, hand-made from taped pieces of writing paper. And when I pull them out of the drawer, I see they’re stamped, postmarked and they’re all addressed to me.

My fury almost blinds me as the blood rushes to my head. I want to storm into my parents’ room and rage at them. And as I clutch the letters in my shaking hands, I also want to weep, because I’m holding the call for help that went unanswered.

In the end, I do neither of these things. I swallow down my anger, a bitter taste in my mouth. There’ll be time for it later, but now I have to get Justin safely out of here.

******

It’s still dark when we pull into Melinda’s driveway, but she’s already waiting for us. Her other car is parked in front of the house, and the garage door is open in anticipation of our arrival. I park in the garage, next to the car we’ll be taking, and the garage door closes to conceal us.

Melinda is standing in a doorway that leads directly into the house from inside the garage. She’s in her dressing gown, and I expect she’s only up at this hour to help us change over cars.

“Hi Cuz,” she greets me with a kiss on the cheek when I get out of the car and come around to her.

I hug her.