Page 54 of Unexpected Boyfriends

[email protected]

To: [email protected]

Hey, your phone’s not working. Did you arrive ok? Miss you already.

~A

There’s nothing more I can do tonight. I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about, but I can’t help the niggling feeling that something’s not right. I’m sure I’m being unreasonable, so I try and distract myself with reading, music, a movie. None of it works and I go to bed disappointed.

When I wake the next morning, I’m feeling better. My little freak out of the previous evening was nothing more than an irrational reaction to Justin’s departure. Of course, he has things to do now he’s back and he’s not going to be thinking of me every minute.We weathered the first three months of separation and we’ll manage the rest.

I smile to myself, thinking about Justin: the feel of his warm skin against mine, his sweet shy smile, his gorgeous eyes, and his utter abandon when he comes.

Fuck! My hand goes to my cock and I stroke myself as I think back on the past couple of weeks and the beautiful man that has totally captured my heart. I fantasize about the things I’d like to do to him and I remember the things Ihavedone with him, and it’s only moments before I unload all over my hand and sheets.

Now, as my brain comes fully online, I’m eager to hear from him. I clean myself up and reach for my phone. Puzzled, I see that he still hasn’t replied to my text or my email. Checking the time, I see it’s a reasonable hour, so I hit dial.

The number is still disconnected.

Feeling a bit like a stalker, I have a look at his social media accounts, but there aren’t any new updates and he’s not online. It’s as if he’s completely vanished.

It’s odd.

The question is, has he completely withdrawn, or just withdrawn from me?

This strange information vacuum continues all week. I hear nothingat allfrom Justin, and I oscillate between trying to rationalize the silence and thinking that he’s dumped me. The latter seems ridiculous given the fortnight we spent together, and yet, as the week comes to a close and I still haven’t heard from him, a terrible sinking feeling takes over the pit of my stomach.

Finally, I can’t stand it anymore.

“Hey, Mum, can you ask Dad to check Justin got home okay? I haven’t heard anything from him since he went back.” I try to make my voice as casual as possible but I’m not sure I’m successful, because my mother gives me a look I can’t quite decipher.

She knows I saw Justin when he was here recently, but I don’t think she knows we’re stillinvolvedwith each other. Ever since she told me I couldn’t be in a relationship or mess around with him, I’ve been careful not to let her see we’re anything more than friends.

“Sure, I’ll speak to him,” mum tells me, and I have to leave it at that or she’ll know I didn’t stop our relationship when she told me to.

I'm impatient for her answer, and I nearly go crazy waiting, but I daren't ask again. Two days later, she tells me that Justin is apparently fine and back at school. My heart sinks when I get the news. Hehasdumped me, though I can’t figure out why or what happened.

I try one more time to phone him, though it’s crushing and humiliating to have to do this. Finally, after the phone rings several times, someone answers.

But the voice that answers, isn’t his. Why is this unknown guy answering Justin’s phone? I’m not sure I want to know.

“Uh. H-hi,” I stammer, “can I speak to Justin?”

My heart hammers in my chest, equal parts anticipation and dread.

“Who?”

“Justin. This is his number.”

“Sorry, mate. No Justin here. This is a new number, though, so maybe someone had it before.”

“Oh. Ok. Sorry,” I hang up. At least he’s not cheating on me. I think.

There’s only one more avenue of communication, short of landing on his doorstep, which I am not going to do. So now I’m going to humiliate myself even more. I write a letter… a real letter… asking him to tell me what went wrong and why he’s ghosting me, and I send it by post. Snail mail. So heaven knows if and when he’ll actually get it.

When no answer comes, I clench my teeth, biting down on my humiliation, and write again.

Each day goes by and… just nothing.

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