Page 29 of Unexpected Boyfriends

“I hurt you and I’m so sorry I did that.”

Yeah, about that…

The light from a streetlight casts my reflection onto the glass beside me, and I stare past it out the passenger window into the darkness. I blink a few times. And stifle a sniff. I clench my fistson the seat beside my thighs. I'm not going to humiliate myself further by crying in front of him.

“I hurt myself too,” he whispers softly. “I was worried that our age difference meant we couldn’t work out, but I …I think I was wrong.”

I still can’t bring myself to speak.

“I want to keep seeing you,” he whispers.

Why is he saying these things? I know what I saw. I keep looking out into the darkness.

“Please, Justin, please look at me.”

Slowly I turn to him. I'm not just hurt, I’m also angry. In the dim light his features are pale, and his eyes dark, and I can see distress etched in the shadows on his face, but I don’t understand it. When I look at him, I let my guard down for just a moment to let him see all the hurt and painIfeel.

“Don’t be cruel,” I snap, “I saw you with your girlfriend, and you know the kind of feelings I have for you.” Then I turn away again, stare out the side window.

“Girlfriend?” Axel sounds genuinely puzzled, but I know he’s faking it.

“Well, yeah, the one you were holding hands with when we ran into each other today?” My voice is harsh and cold. I’m hurting and I’m furious with him for heartlessly playing with my emotions like this.

“Oh!” he breathes a sigh. “She’s not a girlfriend, she’s my cousin. I don’t have a girlfriend. Justin, I’m not bisexual, I'm gay.”

A tiny ray of hope slips through the bleakness of a truly shitty week, and I want desperately to cling to it. I’m so pathetic.

“I’m so sorry,” Axel continues. He chokes up. “I should have spoken to you sooner.” He falters.

A long silence envelopes us. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I’m completely out of my depth here. My world has been turned on its head and I hardly know which way is up. If this is falling in love, it sucks. It hurts and it's confusing.

Axel draws in a shuddering breath, breaking the silence.

“I like you a lot,” he goes on, “and I’d like to see where this can go. If… if you want to, that is.”

I know I should say something, but I’m frozen in my seat, staring out the side window. Totally still except for the tears he can’t see which are streaming silently down my face.

When I don’t move or respond to him, he asks, “Doyousee our age difference as a problem?”

I shake my head. It’s all I can manage right now.

A pause.

“Walk with me?” he asks softly.

I nod.

We get out of the car, and Axel comes to me and wraps his arms around me in a tight embrace.

AXEL

Although Justin agreed to meet with me, he hasn’t responded positively to anything I’ve said. In fact, he doesn’t respond at all, just sits there staring out the car window, like he can’t bear to be in the same vicinity as me.

Maybe it’s already too late. Maybe I’ve lost him.

Then something runs down his cheek. The movement catches the moonlight and the glint draws my attention to the tears rolling down his face.

“Walk with me?” I ask quietly, realizing now it’s not that hewon’tspeak - hecan’tspeak.

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