Page 27 of Unexpected Boyfriends

“The age thing. Doeshesee it as a problem?”

“Ah. I don’t know. We never talked about it.”

“Oh, well, there’s your first mistake. You’re not going to keep a relationship together if you don’t talk about the important things, especially the hard stuff.”

I sigh. Maybe I’ve been an idiot. Maybe I didn’t need to screw up the first really good thing I’ve had in a long time, maybe ever.

“It’s too late now. I’m pretty sure he hates me. You saw how he blew me off just then.”

“I think he’s hurting,” she says in an infuriatingly reasonable tone. “Who wears dark glasses on a day like this?”

“Um, lots of dudes do, it looks cool?” I suggest, since now I think about it, it’s not glary enough to actually need sunglasses. The weather turned colder overnight as a southerly change came through, bringing with it a heavy cloud cover.

"Is he that sort of guy?" she asks. "Into appearances?"

"No, not really. I guess I don't know him that well, but I don't think so. He's a genuine sort of guy."

"There you go then," she nods her head, knowingly. "There's another kind of person who wears sunglasses when they don't need to."

I tilt my head, waiting for her to go on.

“Someone who doesn’t want anyone to see their eyes,” she states emphatically. “The eyes are the mirror to the soul and all that. Or maybe he’s been crying.”

That gives me pause. Maybe she's right. Maybe there's a chance I haven't totally screwed this up.

“Can we drop this now?” I don’t want to keep talking about it. She’s given me plenty to think about.

She shrugs. And stays silent. And starts looking around for another shop to visit. I trail along with her, but I'm not thinking about shopping.

I can’t help thinking about the haunted look on Justin's face when he was standing across the street thinking himself unobserved.

Now I need to go away and decide what to do about it.

JUSTIN

Another day to get through. Another day to pretend I’m fine. I will be fine, I know that. Just not yet. Someday further down the track, I will be over this. This will just be another blip on the road to happiness. Someday, but not today.

I hadn’t imagined I would run into him in the village. I suppose it was always possible, but really dumb bad luck to be there at the exact same time as he was.

It cuts me like a knife to see him again. Face to face with my heart’s unspoken dreams. And then to see him with that girl. Didn’t waste any time moving on, did he? Or maybe there never was anything there for me, maybe I misread everything. At any rate, I guess I have closure. It’s not a misunderstanding, and he’s not coming back.

He lied to me. He's clearly not gay, he's bi or maybe even straight and I was just an experiment. I feel like an idiot - I literally threw myself at him.Time to accept it, heartbreak, humiliation and all, and move on.

Still hurts though. And it’s hard to know what to do with myself, how to move on. Goddamn these tears.

Chapter 10

Can we come back from this?

JUSTIN

After an early dinner, we sit watching nature documentaries on the TV, just the three of us, my grandparents and me. It’s all I can manage at the moment, sitting there watching the cheetah slinking through the savanna stalking its prey. The animal life and the wilderness hold my attention sufficiently that for a while I don’t think about anything else. And if my mind wanders into unhappy realms, I gently tug it back to the documentary. My grandparents must know something is up, but thankfully they don’t ask.

I left my phone in the bedroom while we watched TV, because the last thing I want is to be connected to the outside world. I feel like curling up into a ball, or inside a shell, or just plain bleeding all over the floor, so no, I don’t want to be communicating with anyone right now. Consequently, it’s not until the documentary is over and we’re all calling it a night, that I slip into bed and pick up my phone and see the message.

I need to see you. Can we meet?

Why?

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